Monday, February 26, 2007

Jeff Garcia to Join a New Group of Eagles


*The Following is a Special Guest Article Written by CursedCleveland.com's beat writer Mr. Elliott Feldman*

Philadelphia, Pa. - Reports are surfacing that the Eagles are attempting to lure former pro bowl QB Jeff Garcia. However, these reports don't say anything about him playing in Philadelphia. The Eagles of the New York Gay Football League have landed Garcia with a 2 year/$2,500 contract, with many undisclosed benefits to be named later. The NYGFL is known for their exciting play, charisma and hilarious team names. When glancing at the standings you will notice teams named Porky's, Bamboo 52, and our personal favorite: The Gym Bunnies (Something about referring to a team of men as "Bunnies" is just wrong on so many levels).

Many thought that Garcia would don the baby blue and pink of the Gym Bunnies, but some last minute maneuvering could land him right smack in the middle of this incredibly talented Eagles' roster. Apparently, the Eagles picked up another sponsor to find the funding for Garcia's healthy contract. The new sponsor, http://www.manhunt.net, has been trying to crack the NYGFL market for sometime now, and congratulations to them for entering behind Garcia.

We're fully expecting the most common plays from scrimmage to include the naked bootleg and the Statue of David. Here at CursedCleveland.com, we will bring you continual updates as this story progresses. For now though, put your money on the Eagles to make a splash in the SlapAss Bowl XXII.
photo courtesy of pathguy.com

11 comments:

King Nick said...

The Eagles offense will now be extremely explosive with this new addition. Here is what the new offense will look like: QB - Jeff Garcia, RB - Paul Leonette, Wideout - Jim Cordas, Wideout - Ryan Yearick, TE - Jim Cordas. Can u say high octane? The only question will be how long it will take for these stars to gel together. From past history, we expect them to get acquainted with each other rather quickly.

Rupaul said...

King Nick I like the analysis but can you really classify Jim Cordas as a good "tight" end? From what I hear, people really hit the hole hard on him, so he won't provide much blocking. I think Don Ford would be a much better choice, seeing as how he really gives it to defenders hard.

King Nick said...

I completely agree with you, as you can see I actually put Cordas at both TE and WR on accident. Don Ford was, in fact, who I had penciled in at TE to begin with. Also, since my last post, rumors have surfaced that Louie Leonette, brother of Paul, has joined on as team captain of the Cheerleadeing squad, and it appears in a shocking turn of events that Mr. Kist has emerged as the team's top Head Coaching candidate for his uncanny knack of getting young men to do things that they don't want to do, as was seen in his previous stint at West Geauga High School.

Anonymous said...

mr. furillo wants to come on as assistant coach. He could help the players that don't speak good english and help them penetrate so they hit the right hole. Also help them train with basic cross country drills requiring really hairy legs and short shorts!

Matt Boumphrey said...

Please leave John..I mean Mr. Kist out of this. He has done nothing to any of you. He is also able to be found on www.manhunt.net, but don't touch him he is mine!

Head Bunny said...

King Nick you would be correct that louie leonette has surfaced in the NYGFL. Your information though is again wrong. Louie has actually taken a position with the Gym Bunnies http://www.gymsportsbar.com/ as head sideline hairstylist. Apparently, Louie was insulted by the position offering of cheerleading saying "cheerleading just isn't gay enough for the leonette family".

x-man said...

mr. furillo ain't shit.

Tim Hardaway said...

hey, love the column guys. Your website keeps me laughing all day long. I don't know about any of the people being named in this post, but I hate them all the same.

Manbearpig said...

When will someone hit my hole hard?.....I mean I hate Fags, yeah, hate em'

Jim Cordas said...

Haha real funny losers. I cant beleive you are still bashing me for getting handers from my dudes and sticking my fingers in their inbetween. I'll have you know my life is no joking matter, I am currently admitted into an experimental lab in Australia where doctor's are studying my butt/vagina around the clock. I am scheduled to take part in the future of bunghole reconstruction and need all the support i can get. So next time you want to put me down, think about how bad it hurts every time i fart out of my lame excuse of an asshole!!(seriously, it looks like the chin of a 500 pound man.)

J. Cordas

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