Saturday, December 8, 2007

Nevada Nick Off to Rough Start

Ok Ok, right now you may be saying, "This guy calls himself an expert and comes out and loses his first 3?!?." However, what you do not realize, is that I've been handicapping for the past month with a deep bone bruise in my leg and a badly sprained finger, not to mention I'm undergoing brutal contract negotiations with CursedCleveland at the moment, so take that into consideration. Yes, I did go 0-3 last nite but hey, even Ron Jeremy shoots a blank from time to time (I have no evidence of that statement being true, just wanted to put a Ron Jeremy pic up). Not to fear though, I do my best work under pressure and we still have $40 to work with so tonight we will get our money back. Here's what were gonna do:

Phoenix Suns -9.5 vs. Minnesota - The suns have been HOT winning 5 straight and go up against the lowly, struggling TWolves (2-15) tonight. Minnesota has lost their last 5 games and is 0-5 both straight up and against the spread in their last 5 at home. Meanwhile, the suns have won 8 of their last 9 on the road and are 4-1 both straight up and against the spread in its last 5 against Minnesota. Minnesota is the worst team in the league and I wouldn't be surprised if PHX scores 200 tonight. Look for the Suns high power offense to turn this one into a rout quickly. ($30)

With our last $10 go ahead and bet this 3-team parlay:

Suns -9.5

Wisconsin -2.5

Depaul +22

Nevada Nick's Balance - ($0)

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Friday, December 7, 2007

Nevada Nick Starts His Holiday Gambling Venture

Alright folks, the time has come for me to start posting my selections and tonight seems like a great night to start. First, I'd like to wish all the CursedCleveland readers Happy Holidays and I hope I can make them a little more lucrative for you. They tell me I have $100 to work with so there isn't much room for error but after looking at tonight's card I don't envision much of a problem. Tonight I have 3 selections for you, all coming in the NBA, that we can start to build our bankroll with...

Milwaukee Bucks +2 @ Seattle - This young Seattle team plays no defense and struggles on the boards, giving up 107 ppg. Milwaukee's frontcourt of 7-footers (Yi Jianlin, Andrew Bogut, Charlie Villanueva) should absolutely punish Seattle inside all night. The Bucks backcourt is quick and solid (Michael Redd, Mo Williams) and they should be able to have their way against the Sonics ailing backcourt (Delonte West, Luke Ridnour). Seattle is just 2-8 at home and I expect the Bucks to win this one outright. ($20)
Detroit Pistons -7.5 vs. Chicago - The Bulls are averaging just 89 ppg and will have an extremely difficult time scoring tonight against a defensively sound Pistons team at the Palace. The ageless Pistons have been playing well winning 5 straight and 7 of their last 8. Chicago is 1-4 in their last 5 on the road both straight up and against the spread while the Pistons are 6-1 at home. Take the Pistons and lay the points as I see this one getting out of hand early. ($20)
Sacramento Kings -4.5 vs. L.A. Clippers - The wheels have fallen off for the Clippers as they've lost 7 straight and are just 2-5 on the road this season. Meanwhile, the Kings have won and covered their last 4 games and are a solid 7-3 at home this season. Sacramento is an eye-popping 9-1 against the spread at home this year and have owned the Clip Joint in Arco Arena (Kings have won 21 of the last 23 battles against the Clippers at home). Look for the Kings to grab an easy victory against the struggling Clippers tonight in Sacramento. ($20)

There you have it, we'll go with three $20 flat bets for tonight and hope to build up a little kitty to work with. Good luck to all, you'll be seeing me again soon.

Nevada Nick's Balance: ($40)
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Thursday, December 6, 2007

Another Blog Steals CursedCleveland Idea - but Leaves Out Humor

Part of me is outraged, part of me humbled, part of me was just desperate for blog material; after a number of concerned e-mails directing us to another site, it appears that a blog named The Sports Hernia has stolen our Roasting Mike and Mike premise, and made it unfunny.

Now technically, their post was titled "Lame Jokes to expect at Mike and Mike," and the setup is that the writer's strike has left nothing other than hacks to craft the jokes - but I don't think it's a stretch to assume that the heading is an advanced justification for some bad material. It's kind of like your friend doing a hacky impression then prefacing it with, "OK guys, I don't want to overhype it, and I'm probably going to botch this...etc."

The worst part of all of this, is that Deadspin ran with their version after ours had already been completed and submitted. So you could easily say they're an accessory in this crime against originality and humor (kind of like Carson Daly). But I'll be honest, the Hernia did have a good Bill Walton line, which was NOT stolen from me (yet). I mean this author is so bad, he steals from Carlos Mencia....

Make sure to check out this post in about a week on the Hernia, our new sister site! Just shameful - not that they would steal from us, but that they would even read our site to begin with.
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Nevada Nick Descends Upon CursedCleveland

The holiday season is now upon us and if you're anything like me (pray that you're not), you find you can always use some extra spending money right around this time. Well we at are here to help. Joining us live from Las Vegas, NV during the holidays will be our guest sports handicapper Nevada Nick. Nevada Nick has been very successful betting on sports and specializes in "holiday" (Dec-Jan) handicapping. Since we are in the Christmas spirit here's what were gonna do for you: Nick will be starting with $100 of his own money and posting here daily to tell you what to bet on and how much to bet on it. He will also be giving you in-depth analysis on each pick and why he feels it is a good bet. We will be keeping a running tally of his balance to see just how profitable Nick's holidays really will be. We hope that you take advantage of this once in a lifetime offer and bet along with the holiday master. This is just our way of saying Merry Christmas to our loyal readers and followers. This way not only can you waste your time by reading our posts, but also waste your money. Stay tuned to CursedCleveland as Nevada Nick will begin posting his selections this weekend. More holiday surprises to come as well...

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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Roasting Mike and Mike

You may or may not have heard that iconic sports talk radio personalities Mike and Mike are going to be the subject of a roast next month. is obviously very excited about this because A) We loves roasts, and B) We hate Mike and Mike in the Mornings, the Evenings or whenever their brand of contrived, politically correct sports talk airs. Now who doesn't love a roast (besides Pamela Anderson, fat people, black people, dead people, Gays, Mexicans and Bea Arthur)?

So keeping with the theme of the less-accomplished roaster trying to deride the "legend(s)" here are some suggestions for Jeff Ross..who obviously doesn't need my help (unless we're talking hair and clothes). It might go a little something like this:

"Mike and Mike, what a dais we have here tonight. We've got Jim Rome, the Fabulous Sports Babe, Barry Bonds and Craig Kilborn. Admittedly Kilborn, you were hard to locate. I checked unemployment lines, sex registry lists; yet nothing. What the hell have you been doing lately? I think Tom Mees has been on TV more than you in the past 5 years!"

"Mike and Mike get very good ratings, that's no secret. Although seriously guys, who wouldn't get ratings on ESPN (besides Playmakers, Stump the Schwab, Cheap Seats, Dreamjob Season 3, Unscripted with Chris Connelly, Bonds on Bonds, Beg Borrow and Deal, I'd Do Anything, Knight School and Fitness Beach). Would your show do as well on Lifetime or Al Jazeera? Actually, they've got you beat on Al Jazeera. It's Muhammad and Muhammad in the Ramadan. What Makes them different is what makes them likely to target innocent civilians in an act of terrorism"

"Now Mike and Mike, to be honest, enough is enough with the steroid talk. Every day it's steroids. If Barry Bonds did as much steroids and you guys talked about steroids, then he would look like the Fabulous Sports Babe."

"Hey look it's Jim Rome on the daius. Watching his television show, I haven't seen so much scripted entertainment since the WWE. Everyone remembers when Rome's schtick use to be his unrelenting, no holds barred interview approach? Now the guy loves everyone. He's about as hardball as Oprah at this point. And what's with the long moments of silence during his sentences? He's taking longer pauses after his last breath than Sean Taylor following a home invasion. "

"Seriously Mike and Mike - do you really have a segment called 'News of the Weird?' Every hacky local radio show called, they want their bit back."

And it's comforting to know that Mike and Mike in the Morning is in some capacity, reduplicated on SportsCenter,, ESPN the Magazine, and ESPN 2. You're now officially more overexposed than Gary Miller on a Cleveland balcony.

And enough of the corny songs with low production value. Your novelty songs make that crazy Ray Stevens seem like a comedic genius. Continue Entry»