Monday, January 19, 2009

Savage's Final Report Card



CLEVELAND, OH - This might sting a little browns fans, but it's necessary to take a look back at the last four years and what could have been. The following is an in-depth look at this talent evaluating guru who has set us back many years with his horrific selections. Please settle in, this is long winded, opinionated, and full of humorless jokes.

2005 Draft

Round 1: B+

Pick # 3 - Braylon Edwards - Last year was a disappointing year for Edwards but we cannot forget the pro bowl year he had in 2007. If he has another year like the last I suppose we can think about cutting ties with him. I'll give him a pass on this year because he has the talent, desire, and work ethic the browns need. Here at Cursed Cleveland we also have a thing for handsome players that look good in their uniform, and let's be honest, it doesn't get much better than this guy in that department.

What could have been that round: Antrel Rolle, Carlos Rodgers, Demarcus Ware, Shawne Merriman, Jammal Brown, Roddy White, and Logan Mankins.

Round 2: D+

Pick 34 - Brodney Pool - Was over-hyped in college and has shown he is a below average safety in the NFL. He can't tackle, he can't cover anyone...and he's not intimidating. Also, like Billy Bob, he is one concussion away from never playing football again.

What could have been - Michael Roos, Lofa Tatupu, Nick Collins, Justin Miller, Vincent Jackson, and Darrent Williams.

Round 3: F

Pick # 67 - Charlie Frye - Most Browns fanatics were excited with this one...however I couldn't have hated this pick anymore.. He had a weak arm, terrible facial hair, and the IQ of Radio. He was ambidextrous, which allows him to lob 15 yard out passes into unsuspecting defender's arms with both hands.

What could have been: Justin Tuck, Ellis Hobbs, Darryl Blackstock, Domonique Foxworth.

Round 4: F

Pick # 103 Antonio Perkins - Savage believed this midget would help out the secondary, and boost our return game. He went ahead and played in one game in 2005. In 2008, it wasn't Cleveland that realized he couldn't play professionally, it was instead the CFL's Toronto Argonauts.

What could have been: Marion Barber, Jerome Mathis, Brandon Jacobs, Kerry Rhodes, and Darren Sproles

Round 5 - D-

Pick # 139 - David McMillan - He leads our team in sacks every year in the preseason against the other bums in the NFL. Looks terrible in his uniform, and if you're not actually playing - this is unacceptable. For God's sake learn to accessorize.

What could have been :Trent Cole, Dan Orlovsky

Round 6 - F

Pick # 176 Nick Speegle - Terrible name, terrible college, terrible player. Not gonna waste my time writing about this fuck.

Pick # 203 Andrew Hoffman - The Terrorizing Defensive tackle from Virginia.

What could have been: Michael Montgomery, Bo Scaife, Chros Kemoeatu.

Round 7 - F

Pick # 217 Jon Dunn - He was dunn with the Browns after this year.

What could have been: Jeremiah Ratliff, Matt Cassel, Ryan Fitzpatrick

Undrafted, - Savage did snag our Pro Bowler return man and ugliest player on the team Joshua Cribbs. We also snagged Lance Moore but was cut because we they thought he wasn’t good enough. Andre Davis, Dennis Northcut, Antonio Bryant, and Braylon Edwards were our WR’s that year.

2006 Draft

Round one - D+

Pick # 13 - Kamerion Wimbley - We traded down with Baltimore because they wanted Haloti Ngata, and we wanted this tweener from Florida State. The Browns had their chance to nab a Samoan, which every successful NFL organization has, but decided to go with Wimbley who still hasn’t learned how to do anything other than a speed rush. It must be tough to gameplan for a guy with one move and OK speed.

What could have been : Brodrick Bunkley, Tye Hill, Antonio Cromartie, Laurence Maroney, Davin Joseph, Santonio Holmes, DeAngelo Williams, Nick Mangold, Joseph Addai, and Mathias Kiwanuka. Thanks Phil!!!

Round 2 - B-

Pick # 34 D’Qwell Jackson - Don’t have many bad things to say about this pick, has been our best LB for the past couple years. Not hard to accomplish with the fucking losers we have at this position. Love his intensity and shit talking, which are also vital things when we determine which players we like. There were some other studs taken this round but this one doesn’t sting as much.

What could have been: Marcus McNeill, Greg Jennings, Devin Hester, Richard Marshall, Maurice Jones-Drew, Jeremy Trueblood, Taitusi Lutui, and LenDale White.

Round 3 - F

Pick # 78 Travis Wilson - Was a holdout during training camp, and has hardly seen the field other than preseason action. He made one of the best preseason catches of all time against the Lions but wasn’t enough to let this piece of shit play. He was released this season.

What could have been: Jerious Norwood, Maurice Stovall,

Round 4 - F

Pick # 110 Leon Williams - Usually cant go wrong with drafting players from the U, however the browns managed to snag a career special teams linebacker. He rocks a visor but isn’t enough to warrant this stiff.

Pick # 113 Isaac Sowells - This fatass was awful at Indiana but Savage decided to go against the grain and snag Sowells who would have a hard time blocking Lucas rushing off the edge.

What could have been: Brandon Marshall, Leon Washington, Stephan Gostkowski, Elvis Dumervil, Rob Sims, Willie Colon

Round 4 - C-

Pick # 145 Jerome Harrison - Harrison averaged 8 yards per touch last year, but wasn’t given many opportunities. He has shown signs of being a solid backup but needs to change his number and facemask if he wants to get more praise from us.

Pick # 152 DeMario Minter - Gone after one year...terrible.

What could have been: Dawan Landry, Omar Gaither

Round 6 - D

Pick # 180 Lawrence Vickers - Is a solid fullback that can also handle the rock. Like D’Qwell, he loves to talk shit and has shown decent celebrations after his 2 yard runs, and 3 yard grass routes.

Pick # 181 Babatunde Oshinowo - was put on the practice squad then cut.

What could have been: Antoine Bethea, Mike Hass, and Sam Koch.

Round 7 - F

Pick # 222 Justin Hamilton - Cut from team after the season.

What could have been - Marques Colston, and Cortland Finnegan

2007 NFL Draft

Round 1 - A

Pick # 3 Joe Thomas - I wanted Adrian Peterson but this was the safe pick and just what the Browns needed. Thomas is one of the best tackles in the NFL and will be for years to come. He loves his chewing tobacco and so do we... just another reason we love Joe Thomas.

Pick # 22 Brady Quinn - Its hard to look at Brady and not smile. His football smarts and boyish good looks has Cursed Cleveland excited for next year. He is built like a Greek God and I had to question my own sexuality seeing him at the combine with his shirt off. Brady edged out Braylon and Kellen for the best looking player on a recent CursedCleveland.com writers pole. Savage gave up a lot in order to get Quinn and unfortunately we're still uncertain if he will the QB of the future.

Notables taken after Quinn - Jon Beason, Joe Staley, Ben Grubbs, and Anthony Gonzalez.

Round 2 - C

Pick # 53 Eric Wright - Savage gave up some picks to move back into the second to draft Wright. Easy E received some bad reviews by commentators from his off the field troubles at USC. I cannot be mad at someone for having over 500 date rape pills found in his dorm room. Who hasn’t thought about dropping a couple of pills to ensure a piece of ass that's way out of your league? It was never proven that he used them on anyone but im sure he helped a few losers in the USC band to get laid. He hasn’t shown that he is a lock down corner by any means but played very well last year.

Notables taken after Wright in round 2 until our next pick in round 5 - Ryan Kalil, Trent Edwards, Le’Ron McClain, and Clint Session

Round 5 - D+

Pick # 140 Brandon McDonald - I never heard of McDonald before we drafted him but this guy was a decent pick late in the draft. He was benched after missing a tackles and getting burnt in the middle of the season. His inconsistant play is a concern, but he does show signs that he can make big plays at times.

What could have been: Steve Breaston, Kevin Boss, and Nick Folk

Round 6 - F

Pick # 200 Melia Purcell - This was clearly an attempt by Savage to jump on the Somoan bandwagon a few years too late. We still need one but struck out with this bum. We should have seen if Big Manu Manu the Slender from unnecessary roughness was available.

What could have been: Mason Crosby, and Doug Datish

Round 7 - F

Pick # 213 Chase Pittman - Was a General Studies Major from LSU, and is terrible football player. He was waived in August of 2008.

What could have been:Tyler Thigpen, Ahmad Bradshaw. Brandon Siler.

Undrafted - Pierre Thomas, Melvin Bulitt, and Selvin Young

2008 NFL Draft

Round 1 - 3 No pick because of the Brady Quinn/Corey Williams/Shaun Rogers moves.

- When Rogers is on the field he dominates, and is by far our best defensive player. Although that’s like saying he is the charasmatic Autistic child in his class. Corey Williams wasn’t worth a 6th round pick they way he played last year. As coach Bud Kilmer would say, “Your fat, dumb, too slow, and your fucking up my universe.”

Round 4 - D-

Pick # 104 Beau Bell - Had a solid year on special teams after his injury racking up one solo tackle. If he couldn’t beat out our LB’s when he returned we shouldn't expect much in the future.

Pick # 111 Martin Rucker - Was injured early and didn’t show us much after his return.

What could have been: Tashard Choice, Tim Hightower

Round 6 - F

Pick # 191 Paul Hubbard - Made a great one handed catch in the preseason followed by an amazing dance. We haven’t seen Hubbard since.

Nobody worth mentioning.

Round 7 - F

Pick # 231 - Alex Hall - Wasn’t able to beat out Willie McGinnest….I’m finished with this guy.

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So there you have it. Four drafts and grades so bad that they'd even get you kicked out of Kent State University. Nobody can deny that the talent level has been upgraded during the Savage regime. Problem is, a team with supposed playoff aspirations finished 4-12, and set records for offensive futility. So what's the legacy of the Savage era? Is it a guy that took more scouting trips than Tom Lemming? Or is it the guy that sends emails to Browns fans with all the maturity of a CursedCleveland.com blog item?

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fantastic post..I was actually thinking about who else we could've got in these drafts and now I know Thanks Vic!...Savage bloooows.

aaronjmac said...

Darrent Williams is actually dead now, so I'm not sure he would have been a better option in Round 2 of 2005.

ShaneVendrell said...

If you think a CursedCleveland writer wouldn't know he was dead, you've got a lot to learn my friend...

ShaneVendrell said...

If I thought a CursedCleveland writer had talent I'd actually suggest this blog

ShaneVendrell said...

Dead jokes?

That's gold, Jerry!!! Gold!

aaronjmac said...

Forgive me for thinking that this post was the first one to have an in depth breakdown of a sports related topic. Guess that is better left to Schrebs Blurbs.

Anonymous said...

you are an idiot

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