Saturday, January 20, 2007

Manning or Brady?

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - Who'll be doing the congratulating tomorrow during this scene after the AFC Championship? Will it be the 6'5" 235 lb. quarterback with the laser, rocket arm? Or will it be the ho hum, always calm in the pocket, I make pathetic receivers look good on a weekly basis qb? The more important questions are which team will make a more concentrated effort to run the football, and which defense will do a better job confusing the opposing signal caller. My head tells me this is Peyton Manning's time to finally silence his critics, while my instincts tell me not to pick against the man who's headlined our "Man Crush of the Week" section for the past week. Prediction: Patriots 28-Colts 24 in a nailbiter.
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Dunk McLeod?

Looks like the anti-Fred McLeod bandwagon just got bigger, about 275 pounds bigger to be exact. We're guessing Bill Livingston just added this site to his list of favorites (along with this site, hopefully). Continue Entry»

BREAKING NEWS - Browns Hire No-Namer

CLEVELAND - So how many certain ethnic individuals does it take to change the Browns offense? Apparently one. Ladies and gentleman, the Cleveland Browns give you. Rob Chudzinski He's been a tight ends coach for the Chargers the last two seasons and he's a former offensive coordinator at the U. Like Crennel, the Browns are hiring a former Browns coach; Chud served as interim offensive coordinator during the short-lived Robiskie era. He'll attempt to resuscitate a Browns offense that was an anemic 30th in scoring and 31st in total yards. Let's hope his idea of scripting the first 15 plays doesn't involve 4 punts.

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Stepping Up

CLEVELAND, OHIO - As much as I don't want to like him, Gilbert Arenas sure is making it tough on me. He did nothing but impress his critics last year in a hard-fought playoff series with my beloved Cavs, and I think everyone who is a true fan of the game who watched that series gained a new level of respect for the former Arizona star.
Seeing the way that he has come back hungrier in the '06-07 season (much like Lebron James...?) has caused me to admit that "Agent 0" is moving up my list of favorite players to watch in the NBA (Of course he's not going to rise above Kobe, well unless he is traded to the Lakers, wears the number 8, goes to trial for supposedly.... I'd better stop here). Seriously though, isn't that what you want from your star player, to come back better and stronger every year? Don't you want him to be so upset about losing a playoff series that he spends the entire offseason striving to come back and win it all the next year?
After another abysmal performance by the Cavs last night, the Wizards are now tied for the top spot in the Eastern Conference (Which is a hell of a feat considering neither team would be seeded in the top 6 in the West if the playoffs were to start today). Monday night in Utah, Arenas hit what in my opinion was one of the sweetest game winning shots I have ever "Witnessed." It wasn't the degree of difficulty, or the pressure situation (the game was tied so a miss didn't mean a loss), but rather it was the premature celebration displayed right when the ball came off his fingertips (see above picture). Bottom line: I'm a sucker for players with a chip on their shoulder (A "Nobody Can Stop Me" attitude doesn't hurt either), and lately I've been struggling to find one in my hometown.
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Friday, January 19, 2007

Golf Channel Actually Airing Real Golf?

Taking a page out of the NFL network's playbook (and hopefully not Jim Tressel's), the Golf Channel is doing something unthinkable, actually airing professional golf. They'll be showing first and second round coverage of almost every minor event; meaning the John Daly and David Duval diehards will finally get their fix, as opposed to being hung out to dry during the weekends when their idols are already halfway to their next event. We're not sure how the network will manage to fit all this new coverage in their current 24-hour potpourri of miscellaneous programming consisting of Big Break 1 reruns, Medicus infomercials, Big Break 2 and the 1963 Masters final round. Let's just hope they didn't process Bryant Gumbel's application.

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Nixon's a Crook (1 Year - $3 Million)

CLEVELAND - The Indians just keep making noise this off-season, unfortunately it's the kind of noise that nobody cares about. The book on Nixon; he doesn't bunt, he doesn't steal, he doesn't hit home runs, he doesn't drive runners in, his slugging percentage has steadily dropped over the past four years, as has his batting and OPS (Slugging + On base %), but at least he's a triple hitting machine (zero last season). Offensively, this guy has had more problems with lefties than, well, Richard Nixon. would like to thank Shin-Choo-Choo for participating, this move almost assuredly means that Choo will be sent packing. Continue Entry»

Thursday Night Debacle

DALLAS, TEXAS - I hope I wasn't the only one that kept watching the Lakers vs. Mavericks game this evening in the fourth quarter. I know, I know... it was obvious the game was over when the Lakers were down 25, Kobe was on the bench wondering why Luke Walton missed 10 wide open jump shots throughout the game, and Phil Jackson was nearby sitting in what I like to call the "Fall Asleep in Class" position.
However, if you kept watching, you received a real treat like I did: The referees were mic'd up. More specifically, 67 year old Dick Bevetta, who looks more like he's 167, was mic'd up. After they showed the ageless one participating in some of the most ridiculously staged conversations with the players I've ever heard in my life, the innovative producers at TNT decided it would be a splendid idea to go back to pregame warm ups and show us how the ref stretches and gets ready for the game (I'm not sure what I care less about: The stretches done by an NBA ref before a game, or which Beauty and the Geek team will take home the final prize this season).
As if this wasn't torture enough, Charles Barkley (who redefines the word ignorant each and every time he is near a microphone), continued to mention Bavetta every other sentence for the entire Inside the NBA segment instead of talking about important things like A: The game we just watched or B: Trade rumors. I wonder if the person in charge of producing tonight's coverage is somehow or another related to the genius who created the Volkswagen commercial where the two guys are just driving along and get ripped by another car out of nowhere?
If this is what sports fans are going to get from a network that doesn't show anything worth watching aside from NBA games, I will personally start the petition to have Thursday night NBA games broadcast on the Telemundo Channel. (Anyone else ever flip through this channel, see an extremely hot girl, and then end up watching an hour of a show broadcasted in a language that you don't understand?... Yeah me either.)
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Thursday, January 18, 2007

Mutumbo Gets Defensive

When you’re 7’2, the NBA’s second all time shot blocker and a leading African philanthropist, few things tend to get to you. That is of course unless someone steps over the line and challenges your manhood by attempting to assess your age. Thankfully there are no carnies in the Congo.
What’s truly odd is that he’s so sensitive about the age thing when there are so many other reasons to poke fun at Dikembe; his elbows that are obviously sharpened for combat, his creation of a new regional dialect for the English language, his 17 middle names (Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque and Wamutombo, just to name a few) and of course, his ridiculous finger-waving routine which you absolutely know he uses on the road when someone tries to cut him off.
But to get upset about the age thing is senseless. It would be like Adolph Hitler saying, ‘You guys got it all wrong. Ok, so I’m responsible for the attempted extermination of an entire race and human rights weren’t exactly my thing, but damn it, if one more person calls me gay, I’m calling my attorney!”
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Not So Smart

Disclaimer: and its made-up sponsors have no problems with substance abuse when used in moderation (we still don't even have a drug testing policy on our books...heck, we don't even have books yet). With that said, Michael Vick can't be this naive can he? Falcon fans have just flat-out had a bad few months, and it doesn't look like it's going to get much better. It must be tough sleeping at night knowing your team's future is in the hands of a guy who on a given snap, needs to immediately relay a play into the huddle, recognize a defense's initial formation and read a potential blitz scheme. Yet in the age of global terrorism, he's not smart enough to avoid transporting contraband on what's essentially a guided missile. Considering his speed, at least Vick should have no problem running from the law if need be.

photo courtesy of NFL
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Maggette in Wine and Gold?

CLEVELAND, OHIO - Rumor mills everywhere are grinding, and reports say that the Cavaliers may be interested in acquiring 7-year veteran Corey Maggette from the L.A. Clippers. Sources suggest that the Clippers are looking to receive a seasoned veteran, a young player with potential, and a future first round draft pick in exchange for the baby oil-covered swing man. The Cavs have been fishing with David Wesley, Sasha Pavlovic and a future first rounder, however there is no word on whether or not the Clippers' front office is biting. The potential acquisition of Maggette could mean another guy who can come off the bench and provide consistent scoring, defense and athleticism. It also means more street cred for a Cavs team that is in desperate need of players that could end up in a "Hot Bod" body wash campaign . In light of this statement, I would like to present you with the top 5 most "Jacked Up" players in the NBA today:
5. Dwight Howard - Disgustingly strong and still has growing to do (And by growing I mean his head needs to grow into his body).
4. Ben Wallace - Clearly this guy learned his workout routine from Herschel Walker.
3. Alonzo Mourning - Don't let his kidney transplant fool you, this is a guy you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley (Also covers his body with baby oil before games).
2. Corey Maggette - The epitome of what we all strive for in lifting weights.
1. Martynas Andriuskevicius - Bone structure, muscle tone, mass; it's all part of this future low post phenomenon's total package.
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West Coast Slip

This column is the first in our series "Serious and Legitimate Sports Articles. " Any jokes will be minimal and at best, accidental. Anyone looking for hilarity can either scroll down, or check out

When NBA teams embark on their mid-season coastal swings, it’s generally a time where players learn a little bit about themselves and their teammates. Gone are the distractions of family and friends, replaced instead with team building excursions, or in Stephen Jackson's case, trips to and from various crime scenes. Five games into the most challenging road trip thus far for the Cavaliers, fans are also starting to find out just what this team is all about.

Last night’s loss to the 16-24 Trail Blazers might not define the season. The Cavaliers, after all, still have the top spot in the East. But they won’t for long, if they continue to put forth the lack of effort that’s been plaguing them of late. Losing to a Seattle team without Rashard Lewis is one thing, but getting routed by the unremarkable Blazers is another.

A cursory look at LeBron’s shot chart indicates it was one of those games, the type that features an affinity for outside shots on offense, and a lack of resolve on the defense end. Last night was not the time for such a night; the Cavs needed their captain to get through a game-long malaise. What they didn’t need was an 8 for 21 night from the field. He hinted that fatigue was probably a factor.

My legs weren't under my jump shot," James said. "For some reason, I just couldn't get under it. I started to attack late in the game but it was too late.”

Tired legs do not explain his continued plight at the free throw line. James made only 6 of 13 attempts to bring his average down to 71 percent. Perhaps he should take a cue from Greg Oden and switch hands. The freshman center is shooting 75 percent with his opposite hand in his last 6 games, while LeBron continues to struggle with his dominant hand.

Rookie Daniel Gibson was the lone bright spot. He went 4-of-7 from the field, adding 10 points and three assists. On the defensive end, he still looks like a rookie, getting lost in the half court as often as Fred McLeod says "rubber rim." Although his attack-first mindset will earn him more minutes and will hopefully rub off on the rest of his teammates.

The Cavaliers still have the chance to right the ship. They have winnable games against Denver and Golden State to round out their west coast tour. Unless the Cavaliers either make a personnel change before the trade deadline, or start to find their identity; the team that has emerged during this trip might actually be exactly who they are.

photo courtesy of CBSsportsline

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Infected Staff

LeCharles Bentley
A week ago today, Browns GM Phil Savage attributed most of his team's struggles to injuries and a lack of continuity within its personnel. Unlike his past drafts, it looks like the man has actually done his research this time. According to a Dallas Morning News report, the 2006 Browns can lay claim to the "most injured" team in the league, an honor that has eluded them for the last two years. Their starters lost a whopping 83 games in a season where staph infections were as contagious as the common cold. The Cowboys, on the other hand, led the NFL with only eight total contests missed.

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Even This Wouldn't Help the Browns

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Bucks 20th in First Preseason Poll

Faster than you can say "SEC Speed," the fine people at CBS Sportsline have compiled their first set of rankings for the 06-07 college football season. USC, a virtual fixture at the top of the polls is once again ranked above the Buckeyes. You do realize I'm talking about the University of South Carolina don't you? - ranked three spots ahead of OSU. Fresh off the national title game and the subsequent conference-wide fawning, all twelve SEC teams teams somehow managed to find themselves in the top ten. You figure it out. Continue Entry»

A Warrior Heading to Golden State

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - According to the Associated Press, as part of an eight-player deal the Pacers have dealt Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington to Golden State for Troy Murphy and Mike Dunleavy (along with other players that aren't household names even in their own household). This marks the first time Jackson has been mentioned in the same sentence as "Trading" without the word "Punches" following closely behind.

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Cavs @ Blazers Preview

PORTLAND, OREGON - This evening the Cavaliers travel into the rainforest climate of Portland to enter into battle with the highly touted Trailblazers, who they defeated at home earlier this year 100-87. The good guys will hope to split the back-to-back games out west after losing a game they shouldn't have last night to the Sonics 101-96. Perhaps it was the All-Star level play of forward Chris Wilcox that kept the Cavs from stealing one on the road. Am I the only one that notices that the men in wine and gold seem to allow one mediocre player on every team to play far above their usual level? (Most notable: Brian Skinner of the '03-04 Milwaukee Bucks) To the delight of Cavaliers fans, tin man Larry Hughes will be playing again tonight, which will mark his second straight game played; congratulations are certainly in order. Sources are reporting that he expects to stay in the lineup throughout the remainder of the season as long as he doesn't come into any sort of physical contact with opposing players or the floor.
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40 Percent Chance At the #3 Pick, Oddsmakers Say

CLEVELAND - Despite a renewed vote of confidence from team management this past week, the Browns still can't shake their losing perception league wide, as Las Vegas oddsmakers estimate the Browns chances of winning the third pick in the draft at just 40 percent.
The Browns forced a tie with the Buccaneers by losing their last four games of the season. The coin flip will take place at the NFL's scouting combine on February 23rd in Indianapolis.
Brown's GM Phil Savage knows the odds are against him when the coin flies in over the month, but knows the Browns will get a good pick either way.
"It would be nice to have the third pick in the draft, but given our luck over the past three seasons, we're not too optimistic," Savage said. "We'll continue to do our due diligence in anticipation of that fourth pick."
Harvard Statistics Research Fellow, Doctor Gomi Goswami, admits the rarity of such an unbalanced result.
"Coin flipping is often utilized in commonplace instances of dispute resolution. It is generally assumed that the outcome is unpredictable with equal probabilities for the two outcomes, Goswami said. Careful research of descriptive statistics shows that an unlucky participant, in this case the Cleveland Browns, can certainly skew the outcome in an unfortunate direction."
Goswami, a casual NFL fan who won his office pool last season, had some parting shots for Savage.

"One has to question what the man is doing. Anyone could have told him that you don't take Braylon Edwards with the 3rd pick in the draft," Goswami said. With an effective pass rushing linebacker like Shawne Merriman on the board, how do you pass on the guy?"

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The Incumbent?

CLEVELAND, OHIO - In last week's press conference, Phil Savage stated that Charlie Frye will enter the '07-08 season as the "incumbent" at the quarterback position. I can't help but wonder who will be under more scrutiny during their second term, Frye or George W. Bush. As the NFL Draft inches closer by the day, here are a few things to ponder during the offseason about the former Zip:

1. Why have we never watched him make a throw and subsequently said to ourselves, "What an amazing throw that was, I can't believe he fit that in there."

2. Will he ever take a hit without fumbling the ball?

3. Did playing college ball at Akron really give us an accurate assessment of his talents?

4. Did we really think we would find ourselves a quarterback of the future with a 3rd round pick?

5. Why won't he shave that disgusting mustache?

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Simply the Best...

The music is heart-wrenching, the highlights are breathtaking and the epic tale depicted below is both dramatic and triumphant. This masterpiece should have been recognized during last evenings Golden Globe Awards as opposed to "The Queen," which reportedly only 13 people actually paid to see in theaters. Sorry LeBron, until someone puts together a video in your honor that rivals this one, Kobe Bryant will remain #1 in the hearts of the staff here at
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Finally, A Reason to Watch Drag Racing

24-Year-Old Ashley Force Joins NHRA.
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Message Board Losers

CLEVELAND - Never afraid to trumpet our own website, is proud to announce its newest and most exciting feature, "The Most Insanely Idiotic Message Board Thread of the Day." We will scavenge the local sports forums in search of posts that are knee-jerk, exceedingly emotional, or written by 14 year olds (no offense to two of our writers). You'll be able to find these ridiculous cries for help on the right side of the page, in between our half-assed logo and our hastily put together menu of archives. Continue Entry»

Does Braylon Edwards Have Any Thoughts?

11/24/06 - Edwards rips teammate for a completely legal football hit. Continue Entry»

Tragedy Off the Racetrack?

DAYTONA BEACH, FLORIDA - Former Nascar Legend Benny Parsons, 65, died this morning after a six month bout with cancer. While it's not typically surprising for a man in his mid-60's to die in Florida, it certainly does come as news that someone affiliated with Nascar would have the audacity to die away from the racetrack. Our thoughts and prayers should be with Parson's extended family, but instead are directed towards fans of car racing. If you've met these enthusiasts or been invited into their trailers; or even met their barbers, it's pretty clear they can use all the help they can get. Continue Entry»

Snow Jobbed

CLEVELAND - Nobody here at thinks Eric Snow is a top-tier NBA point guard. However, we certainly do not appreciate the area-wide bashing Snow receives on a daily basis. From sports talk radio to the daily newspapers, you would think a simple waive of Eric Snow from the roster would bring championship parades to Euclid Avenue. Articles like this certainly don't help. One of our favorite local writers, The ABJ's Brian Windhohrst, documented the defensive success of this year's Cavaliers. We agree, they've been much better on that end. But you'd imagine an article about defense would systematically praise the exploits of Eric Snow, who is hands down the best defender on the Cavaliers. Instead we were offered quotes from one of the team's worst defenders, LeBron James, with not one mention of the former Spartan. Leaving Snow out of this discussion is as egregious an omission as leaving Matthew Lesko off a list naming the top green-suited late night infomercial personalities. Perhaps Windhorst is still reeling from his high school days when Snow failed to show up at a "Read to Achieve" function. Continue Entry»

Monday, January 15, 2007

A Classic Defensive Struggle

MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE - The Phoenix Suns continued to show that they are the most powerful offense in the NBA thus far in the '07 campaign by dismantling the lowly Memphis Grizzlies on the road 137-122 this evening. The ballgame featured a combined 58 three point field goals launched by these two defensive juggernauts, as well as a 42 point outburst off the bench by Amare Stoudemire. Clearly Suns coach Mike D'Antoni's "5 passes before any shot goes up" offense is starting to pay dividends. Maybe he missed the memo that defense wins championships in professional sports, although that is difficult to digest considering we learn this as sports fans before basic arithmetic. On the other hand, maybe he doesn't mind the fact that the Suns style of play has consistently made them playoff doormats to the eventual Western Conference champions, and why should this year be any different?

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C-Web Headed Home to the Motor City

DETROIT, MICHIGAN - The Detroit Pistons will reportedly sign free agent power forward Chris Webber on Tuesday after he was waived by the Philadelphia 76ers last week. And who could blame them? Webber fits perfectly into a lineup which already possesses three big men who primarily settle for perimeter jumpshots. The aging offensive black-hole is just a shadow of his former self, and yes, I am obviously referring to the Maize & Blue clad youngster who called the most prolific timeout in NCAA history. The Pistons are currently in second place in the Eastern Conference, only 2 games behind the rival Cavaliers. Webber has been a "Cavalier-Killer" throughout his illustrious NBA career, and averaged more than 24 points a game last year in 4 meetings with Cleveland. He is likely to fill the gaping hole in the middle for Detroit that has been helplessly filled by Nazr Mohammed thus far in '07 after the departure of Ben Wallace to Chicago. It should be interesting to see if there are enough shots in this offense to please Webber, who seems to only be satisfied when he is the first or second option. Now if someone from Detroit could physically tattoo the amount of timeouts left in a crucial eastern conference game on Webber's hands, then the Pistons might be in good shape.
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CursedCleveland Marks Its One-Day Anniversary

CLEVELAND, OHIO - Few thought it had a chance, even fewer cared either way, but after a 24-hour rollercoaster ride of events, has survived a full day of internet life. The site, now one day old, is now the longest running Cleveland sports weblog geared towards anything not pertinent to Cleveland sports. Anthony Lima, site contributor, was not as optimistic about the future of the site.

"Sure, we've been around for a full day, and we're proud to have formed many relationships and changed many lives," Lima said. "But it's one day, much like Harriet Myers Supreme Court appointment, some things have a short lifespan. "

It's been an interesting first day for, which has yet to field a page hit from any general member of the viewing public. The site has predominantly focused on Ohio State football and Randy Couture, a mixed martial artist. A Marty Schottenheimer article was randomly added, with only a very loose Cleveland sports affiliation. The most recent article, titled "CursedCleveland Marks Its One-Day Anniversary," only serves to self promote and will likely receive its share of criticism. Continue Entry»

Buckeyes Receive 2007 Crown

COLUMBUS - Sure the Florida Gators doused the Buckeyes last Monday in Glendale in what was an embarrassment of a national championship game, but Jim Tressel once again gets the last laugh, as he bested Urban Meyer and the SEC in the coveted Devold football poll released today. Few could rationally argue the merits of the poll, which has been around since 1945, and uses "a hand calculator," to formulate its rankings. Maybe this will silence Tressel's critics, who obsessed about his gameplanning and playcalling in route to the 42-14 loss. In the end, the sweatervest apparently did just enough to win the title. Better luck next year Gators. We'll do our best to keep you updated on Devold's highly anticipated 2007-08 preseason poll. Continue Entry»

Naturally, A Couture Comeback

LAS VEGAS - Former UFC heavyweight champion Randy "The Natural" Couture recently announced he will make his return to the ring March 3rd in Columbus, Ohio against Tim Sylvia. Couture, 43, last fought almost a year ago when he suffered a knockout loss to Tito Ortiz. A Sylvia loss would certainly not look good for the much maligned UFC heavyweight division, which is awaiting the debut of Mirko "Cro Cop" Filopovic next month. Couture has signed a two-year, four fight deal, meaning there's a good chance we will see our first UFC loss by way of "death of natural causes," the same hold Ken Shamrock barely escaped from a few months ago. Continue Entry»

Ginn Gone

COLUMBUS - According to an ESPN report, Ted Ginn will limp forward to the NFL and bypass his senior season with OSU. During the past week, the junior was believed to be waffling on his status after the Debacle in the Desert. Reports are that immediately following his decision, motions were filed in a local Columbus court to prevent Roy Hall from coming within an endzone of the speedy receiver. Continue Entry»

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Again Marty?

(AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA - Marty Schottenheimer proved to us yet again this evening that he will do everything in his power to lose playoff football games despite having superior teams. League MVP LaDainian Tomlinson, seemingly unstoppable in today's game, only touched the ball 9 times in the second half after the first 30 minutes in which he was just short of 100 yards rushing and another 59 through the air. 9 times! Perhaps Schottenheimer felt that avoiding his conservative playoff gameplans, known by his detractors as "Marty-Ball," and instead turning to his first year starter Phillip Rivers to air the ball out to the tune of 14 for 32 for 230 yards and an interception, he would silence the critics. Newsflash Marty, when you are lining up against a defense and getting 7 yards a pop running the football, you might want to stick with it! At no point in this game did New England display any opposition to the run game, missing tackles and looking foolish as the MVP danced and juked anywhere he wanted to go. It almost seemed as if Marty was trying to keep from blowing this game wide open by continually calling passing plays designed to go to his cadre of below average NFL receivers. I just don't understand why professional coaches seem to have been so clueless thus far in the playoffs (And yes, this means you Andy Reid...brilliant decision to punt away the ball on fourth down knowing that best case, you'd have less than a minute left if you got the ball back, which you eventually did not). Perhaps we should change the format of the playoffs to be more like the collegiate ranks, where teams are given closer to 55 days to prepare for a game instead of 6.

Continue Entry» Launch Party Extravaganza

MAYFIELD, OHIO - The architects behind were out this weekend in celebration of Cleveland's newest and most unique sports-based website. Gathered at the Boneyard on Cleveland's east side in Mayfield, the site's management and supporters were out in full force for an official meet and greet. The party kicked off a 8:30 and ended early, much like a Browns playoff run.

CursedCleveland's staff had the chance to meet up with many local sports enthusiasts, as they talked about site development and marketing. The management hopes this will be the first of many get togethers in the greater Cleveland area, as more and more sports fans find out about the site. 2007 looks be a great year for as it chronicles the local sports scene and brings its fans along for the ride.
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