Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Roasting Mike and Mike

You may or may not have heard that iconic sports talk radio personalities Mike and Mike are going to be the subject of a roast next month. Cursedcleveland.com is obviously very excited about this because A) We loves roasts, and B) We hate Mike and Mike in the Mornings, the Evenings or whenever their brand of contrived, politically correct sports talk airs. Now who doesn't love a roast (besides Pamela Anderson, fat people, black people, dead people, Gays, Mexicans and Bea Arthur)?

So keeping with the theme of the less-accomplished roaster trying to deride the "legend(s)" here are some suggestions for Jeff Ross..who obviously doesn't need my help (unless we're talking hair and clothes). It might go a little something like this:

"Mike and Mike, what a dais we have here tonight. We've got Jim Rome, the Fabulous Sports Babe, Barry Bonds and Craig Kilborn. Admittedly Kilborn, you were hard to locate. I checked unemployment lines, sex registry lists; yet nothing. What the hell have you been doing lately? I think Tom Mees has been on TV more than you in the past 5 years!"

"Mike and Mike get very good ratings, that's no secret. Although seriously guys, who wouldn't get ratings on ESPN (besides Playmakers, Stump the Schwab, Cheap Seats, Dreamjob Season 3, Unscripted with Chris Connelly, Bonds on Bonds, Beg Borrow and Deal, I'd Do Anything, Knight School and Fitness Beach). Would your show do as well on Lifetime or Al Jazeera? Actually, they've got you beat on Al Jazeera. It's Muhammad and Muhammad in the Ramadan. What Makes them different is what makes them likely to target innocent civilians in an act of terrorism"

"Now Mike and Mike, to be honest, enough is enough with the steroid talk. Every day it's steroids. If Barry Bonds did as much steroids and you guys talked about steroids, then he would look like the Fabulous Sports Babe."

"Hey look it's Jim Rome on the daius. Watching his television show, I haven't seen so much scripted entertainment since the WWE. Everyone remembers when Rome's schtick use to be his unrelenting, no holds barred interview approach? Now the guy loves everyone. He's about as hardball as Oprah at this point. And what's with the long moments of silence during his sentences? He's taking longer pauses after his last breath than Sean Taylor following a home invasion. "

"Seriously Mike and Mike - do you really have a segment called 'News of the Weird?' Every hacky local radio show called, they want their bit back."

And it's comforting to know that Mike and Mike in the Morning is in some capacity, reduplicated on SportsCenter, ESPN.com, ESPN the Magazine, and ESPN 2. You're now officially more overexposed than Gary Miller on a Cleveland balcony.

And enough of the corny songs with low production value. Your novelty songs make that crazy Ray Stevens seem like a comedic genius.


Bonecrusher said...

P.S. I didn't even know this guy was alive, I was sure he committed suicide after Clarett PWNED him in the Fiesta Bowl.


Go Cavs

Anonymous said...

I've listened to Muhammad and Muhammad in the Ramadan - way too much beheading talk for my taste.

Anonymous said...

Muhammad and Muhammad just opened up their prize vault. They're giving away pipe bombs, remote controlled explosive devices and cleavers! Be the 5th caller! They're throwing in 72 virgins! Tell us what station made you a winner!

Anonymous said...

Cursed Cleveland - You guys have done it once again, a great article with a classless Sean Taylor joke. Will you guys ever get it right?

Low blow!

Roast Historian and Scholar said...

Oh but the Tom Mees reference was spot on? You've apparently never viewed a roast before. In case you missed the Flavor Flave roast...there was indeed a Chris Benoit joke - and in the Pamela Anderson roast - a Curt Cobain joke.

Anything goes in roasts (Gilbert Gottfried told a 9/11 joke at the Heffner roast).

Concerned Madden Addict said...

With Sean Taylor gone, who am I supposed to draft as my FS in Madden???

Anonymous said...

Why am I in a keeper league? Talk about attrition at the safety position.

Cursed is for fags said...

Craig Kilborn, maybe?


Anonymous said...

Come again?

Dee Brown said...

"Dreamjob season 3"..


DawgStar74 said...

Hey you were posted again on the Browns forum. Like Jim Rome would say TRE-Mendous.. Muhamad and Muhamad in the Ramadan had me spitting my water all over the place. I just bookmarked you.

Di's drunk chauffeur said...

I will be providing land transportation to the roast. My cousin from a previous marriage Payne Stewart, will handle all flight arrangements and Edward John Smith(captain of the "unsinkable" Titanic) will be hosting the after party from the bottom of the Atlantic.

Panties Panties Panties

Anonymous said...

your idea was stolen by http://thesportshernia.typepad.com/

stephen a said...

that wasn't funny at all

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