Saturday, January 27, 2007

Man Wins Women's Title!

Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

DOWN UNDER - Congratulations to Serena Williams on winning the Australian Open Women's Title by destroying #1 seed Maria Sharapova (and for looking extremely manly and overweight in the process). Nobody was expecting this victory by the worst dressed player on the tour (Especially not to the tune of 6-1, 6-2 and one of the worst losses in Sharapova's career). Nothing sickens me more than having to listen to this neon-clad nightmare cry and thank her mother (Who is crazy) after the match (Am I the only one who thinks of particular lyrics by Obie Trice when I see Serena Williams in a dress thats too small? Those lyrics are "Built like a stallion, you belong in a race" in case you were wondering, from the title track of his debut cd entitled Cheers.). We just hope this loss doesn't deflate Sharapova, who has more going for her than any other 19 year old girl we know (And we'd like to consider ourselves experts on the lives of 19 year old females).

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Tressel Gets Credit for CursedCleveland Joke

You know you've made it as a satirical and humor based website when people start taking you way too seriously. Case in point. The internet message board community was a buzz this past week when our column titled "Smith Grows One Inch Since Title Game," was confused as literal truth (this sort of thing happens at the Fox News Channel all the time). My hilarious quote: "My entire Florida gameplan hinged on utilizing a 5'11 QB," was passed off as if it was a Tressel witticism. The Clemson fans really think Jim Tressel has was it takes to write for our site, although we remain skeptical:

"Haha thats great. I can always appreciate a good smartass, esp. one as highly respected as Tressel."

But it didn't stop there

"Hey Shoty lighten up. I said that I like a smart ass choach, and it takes balls to be able to joke about a game you didnt do to well in. I wasnt taking shots or compairing him to tommy."

I really hope our story about the Browns upcoming coin flip isn't taken so literally - Vegas might have a little bit of a mess on their hands. Continue Entry»

Friday, January 26, 2007

Cavs Earn Split Against Lowly Sixers

PHILADELPHIA, PA - Looks like LeBron's supporting cast isn't so bad after all. As much as we wanted to make jokes galore about splitting a home-and-home against the Oden-bound Sixers, the Cavaliers were able to get back on track in what was a much needed victory. Some things we definitely learned tonight:

Daniel Gibson is going to get more playing time. His penetration and shot making is desperately needed on this team.

Andre Miller still has a ton of game - A Jason kidd-esque 12-13-12 triple double. The guy can play in the half court, and get out in transition. He's doing everything he can to sabotage the Sixers chances of getting the first pick. You know Billy King is trying to acquire Darius Miles as we speak.

When Damon Jones goes 5-7 from behind the arc, the Cavaliers can beat anyone. We also know that when he goes 0-8, they will lose to everyone.

The DuckTail still has his moments. Gooden throws up a much needed 21 and 10.

Rodney Carney can score , leap, and do nothing else. One assist and one rebound in 34 minutes...but gotta give him some credit, the rookie has a jumper.

Apparently Fred McLeod lived the 2005-06 season vicariously through Michael Reghi. He often regales us with stories about last seasons team as if he was front and center.

"This comeback was reminiscent of last season's effort at the Wachovia Center"..I even remember what suit I wore, and what me and Austin had for Dinner. I think I even said that we could 'Book this one to the Cavs.'"

I'm not even commenting on the "Fathead" reference for Larry's Dunk. Let's just say thank goodness Gilbert doesn't own Viagara.

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Greg Oden is Pretty Good

We finally found someone who believes in Greg Oden. Bill Livingston offers us his scouting report for the NBA hopeful (if all goes right). Among the interesting assessments in this coming of age analysis:
"Oden has the basics for low-post offense, including a drop step, a jump hook, and fire and brimstone dunks."
Clearly nothing gets past Bill Livingston, especially extra plates of food. Fortunately for Buckeye fans, Livingston sifts through all the usual garbage reporting to deliver a rather profound question that all others have apparently failed to ask:
"The question with Oden is when does he turn pro?
God we miss Roger Brown.
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DOWN UNDER- This was Andy Roddick's press conference after getting demolished by Roger Federer at the Australian Open yesterday. You can tell this guy really can't stand losing, and we here at CC.Com commend Roddick for his comical analysis of the match as well as constant mocking of the reporters (Listen for the male reporter who asks him if he'll keep his ideas to himself next time). It's hard to not root for a guy who shows this much emotion on and off the court (Unlike anyone on any of our Cleveland sports teams). When the Press Conference World Rankings come out, Andy will surely be #1, with John L. Smith just a smidgen behind (Romeo Crennel won't quite make the cut, apparently people don't like emotionless interviews that give us no useful insight whatsoever).
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2007 All-Madden Dead Celebrity Team

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CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - Everybody who knows our good buddy Phil "40oz." Thompson knows that he is one of the meanest people on the planet. He also has no concern for his friends, family, or any other human for that matter (This is obviously why we like him....well sometimes we do). For years we have been hearing rumors of a team that Phil had created on Madden football where he proudly featured some of the most recently deceased celebrities. He refused to disclose details to anyone until the rosters could be completed. Well, to the delight of, recent mishaps in the lives of a few have allowed the rosters to be finalized. We are proud to present the full roster for the 2007 All-Dead Team as follows (Please do not read any further if you are unable to laugh at the misfortunes of others, this article is meant strictly for entertainment, and is not meant to offend or upset anyone):
Head Coach- Jimmy Valvano Offensive Coordinator- Saddam Hussein
Defensive Coordinator- Ken Lay Team Doctors- Arthur Ashe & Christopher Reeves
Sideline Reporter- Princess Diana President of Football Operations- Gerald Ford
Team Mascot-Steve Irwin
QB- Payne Stewart RB- Dale Earnhardt C- Laci Peterson
LG- John Candy LT- Kirby Puckett RG- Natalee Holloway
RT- Gerald Levert WR- Len Bias WR- Bobby Phills
TE- JonBenet Ramsey TE- Aaliyah FB- Yasser Arafat
DE- Ken Caminiti DT- Notorious B.I.G. DT- Big Punisher
DE- Chris Farley OLB-JFK Jr. MLB- John Belushi
OLB- Phil Hartman CB- Ron Goldman CB- Drazen Petrovic
FS- Tupac Shakur SS- Nicole Brown Simpson
P- John Lennon K- Lisa "LeftEye" Lopez KR/PR- Sonny Bono
Wedge Buster- Kurt Cobain-This guy's not afraid to blast through anything!
ANALYSIS: Some of the team leaders include Dale Earnhardt at running back for his expert ability to maneuver through crowded areas and isn’t afraid to take on a tackler head on! The anchor for the Offensive line is easily Natalee Holloway. Her ability to create a hole and only allow the perpetrator to know where it is, keeps defenses struggling to bring down the ball carrier. I believe the tight ends speak for themselves, JonBenet Ramsey and Aaliyah share these duties depending the situation. Tupac was a unanimous choice at free safety and continues to lead the team in both open field tackles and post game celebrations. Despite his problems in the Coaches vs Cancer Classic, we're still confident Jim Valvano could coach these teams. The Defensive line is as close to a perfect front four as you can get. With Caminiti and Farley relying on their size, strength, energy, and pure Columbian Cocaine, there hasn’t been a better pass rush in the history of football. The meat in the middle, Big Pun and Biggie, make running on this team impossible. While there currently isn’t a “Rooney Rule” in place for the QB position, we only saw one potential candidate to fill this spot. That person is none other than Mr. Payne Stewart. His fiery personality and leadership skills will take this team to the top, and even after we have stopped firing on all cylinders, he will help the team coast for a lengthy period of time before we come to a crashing halt. The coaching staff and other skill positions also were pretty obvious choices. Sonny Bono’s disregard for his own body landed him as the starting kick and punt returner, while Arthur Ashe is there for any medical attention the players might need. Local R&B legend Gerald Levert, would sing the national anthem.
(*Special Note- This team will not be updated for many years, as it will take many more unfortunate events to replace this incredibly talented roster.)
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Bengals Continue to Impress...

Photo courtesy of Robert Beck/SI
CINCINNATI, OHIO - According to the Philadelphia Daily News, a Cincinnati Bengals scout by the name of Greg Seamon (pronounced Se-men) was recently quoted as saying that OSU star Troy Smith is "An over hyped Heisman quarterback who will flop in the NFL." These guys in the Bengals' organization really know how to keep a low profile (The word classy comes to mind every time I see those miserable uniforms). There seems to be no reason for this scout to be discussing Smith's future, as the Bengals are set at the QB position for years to come with Carson Palmer. Clearly, if they were in the market for a quarterback, they'd gear themselves towards Hawaii standout Colt Brennan. Colt was a walk-on at Colorado after high-school, but was cut from the team after a woman accused him of breaking into her room, fondling her, and exposing himself to her (It's one thing to break in, and another thing to fondle an unwilling girl, but I draw the line when you expose yourself). Anyhow, the future for Smith is something nobody can accurately predict...the future for the Bengals certainly includes crime, controversy, and maybe some football on the side. Continue Entry»

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Frequent Crier Miles

Philadelphia- Reports coming out of Philadelphia over the past couple of days are not looking good for Donovan McNabb. A supposed controversy stemmed out of Andy Reid telling McNabb he could not fly on the team plane to the Eagles playoff game against New Orleans because he was on the injured reserve list. Although it has been a team rule ever since McNabb has been on the Eagles that players on injured reserve don't fly with the team, feelings were obviously hurt.

After McNabb's 5-5 start, Jeff Garcia (the NFL's most effeminate redhead) went 5-1 and carried the Eagles into the playoffs where he won in the first round. More than a handful of Eagles are already willing to trade in the posterboy for Campbell's Chunky Soup for future Hall-of-Famer Jeff Garcia. Imagine that?

To top things off, McNabb is unhappy with the way Philadelphia's fans and the media have reacted to his mother Wilma McNabb's comments that she made on her blog, saying it would be "bittersweet" to see the Eagles win without her son playing. More importantly, Donovan should probably be mad that his mother has a blog and she has to share with the world how bad she feels for her fragile 30 year-old son. What an embarassment!

If you would like to read what an overbearing mother has to say about her son, please read Wilma McNabb's blog where you also will find her breaking down the play-by-play, defining the word "caliber" and discussing other topical issues surrounding her loser son and her annoying family.

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2007 NBA All Stars Announced

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LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - The 2007 NBA All-Star Dance Team was announced today (The actual All-Star players were announced too in case anyone cares), and we'd like to congratulate Amanda of the Cavaliers dance team on making her first All-Star game. Clearly her hard work has paid off (manicures, getting her hair done, working out, implants?) and she will travel to Sin City for the February 18th extravaganza to "Strut her stuff." Amanda enjoys sewing and would one day like to own a boutique of her own. She says that the three words that describe her best are honest, trustworthy and real (I was thinking "Hot"). If you care to find out more about Amanda (or look at more pictures of her), click here. In related news, native son Lebron James was the leading vote getter for the All-Star Game itself (And you guys say we don't talk about Cleveland sports).
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"Coming Up Next!"

FLORIDA - is proud to announce it's breaking the bank for team coverage of tonight's UFC Ultimate Fight Night Live. We'll have a running diary, and really, that's about it. Vegas has some early over/unders on tonight's contest:

24 - The number of times the immortal Mike Goldberg (and Cleveland native) says "Coming up next."

34 - The amount of spinning backfists Shonie Carter attempts.

4 - The number of times I confuse Diego Sanchez with actor/dancer AC Slater.

3 - The number of times I try to forget about Joe Rogan's brief and forgettable stint on the Man Show.

14 - The number of times the hallowed ring announcer Bruce Buffer utters "U -F - Shhheeee."

172 - The number of times Spike TV reminds us that Pros vs Joes is "Coming up Next," and that Randy Couture will be joining the cast (as one of the Pros..).

Critics, please note that there was a "Cleveland" reference in the article. First one to find it wins a free subscription to our site!


Check out the official UFC Fight Night Running Diary. Anne Frank would be jealous.

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Bush Losing Heisman?

SAN DIEGO, CA - Yahoo News, known more for its widely-respected porn gathering services, is actually doing some reporting. They must really have a thing for Reggie Bush...He's been the target of an eight-month investigation alleging, believe it or not, that the talented football player received benefits. Serious stuff for USC, which could receive NCAA sanctions. Although, the Trojans could probably lose every scholarship, lose every game, hire John L. Smith and still manage to produce 20 NFL players each year. Keep checking yahoo for updates and for "hot, sexy teens." Continue Entry»

Lights Off: New Steroid Policy

According to, the NFL and the players union have agreed to a stricter policy for testing performance-enhancing drugs. The new policy not only will test for EPO, a blood-boosting substance, but will also cut into the player's signing bonus if they test positive for any type of banned performance-enhancers. This now goes for first time offenders who will already be losing their four game checks during their suspension.

Unlike the MLB players union which is an organized crime family, the NFL players union decided they had to take action after one of their star players tested positive. Players like Shawne "Lights Out" Merriman will now have to hide their protein shakes in the top drawer in a lock-box so that nobody can sprinkle any nandralone into them, as was the case with Merriman's positive test. It wasn't all bad news for the players though. Cocaine, marijuna and other street drugs still do not result in a suspension for first-time offenders.

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Why Can't Andra Davis Do This?

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Nothing to Worry About?

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CLEVELAND, OHIO - I'm at a loss for words (actually no, I'm not). After the loss to the Magic Monday night at home, Cavs star Lebron James told the media that the team was still close to the top in the East and that there was "Nothing to worry about (and boy was he ever wrong)." Tonight, the Cavs played host to the Philadelphia 76ers, a team who was coming in on the second night of a back to back and had previously been 5-20 on the road this year (they were also 1-11 on the second night of back to back games this year). The Cavs let another one slip away 118-115 in double overtime, and now we have to wonder when things are going to turn around. Andre Iguodala played a fantastic game, scoring 34 points (including 12-12 from the line). He came up very big down the stretch, taking it to our beloved King, and scoring at will (Did anyone else see Lebron stand and watch Andre shoot and make the three pointer at the end of regulation that cut it to a 1 point game? Or maybe you saw Lebron escort Iguodala to the basket at the end of regulation to sink the basket that put the game into OT? I must have been having a bad dream).
Let me first say that yes, Lebron James is one of the best players in the NBA today. He is our only realistic chance at a championship anytime in the near future, and for that reason maybe we're expecting too much out of the 22 year old. Tonight he scored 39 points, but allowed his man to score 34 (The problem here is that Iguodala hit all of his free throws, and James missed 3 huge free throws down the stretch. Is this ever going to stop being a point of concern with this guy?). But hey, there's nothing to worry about! Tonight's "Average player who played out of his mind against the Cavs Award" goes to Samuel Dalembert, who went off for 20 and 10 (This is double his yearly pts. average). Congrats Sammy!
After the game, Mike Brown told the media that the team needs to "reestablish it's defensive identity." Hey Mike, there is no defensive identity! Lebron James has proven to be unable to cover anyone 1-on-1, and the slow lateral movement of our enforcer in the middle (Yes, I'm talking about Z, who's hardly an enforcer and eats more elbows than any center in the game) has proven to be a major crutch in our helpside defense. Offensively we don't run, we don't shoot for a high percentage, we don't move without the ball and we don't make free throws (Things are lookin' good). Friday the Wine & Gold pushovers go into Philly to mix it up with these same feisty Sixers, and then they'll host Phoenix on Sunday (We match up about as well with these guys as Dennis Rodman did with Carmen Electra). However, all of these problems that I just discussed aren't significant, because King James says there's "Nothing to Worry About."
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All Stars On Ice

The East's Daniel Briere (48) scores the first goal.  (Getty Images)

DALLAS, TX - Missing for nearly four years and out of the public's consciousness (no, I'm not talking about Shawn Hornbeck), hockey is back! And you thought we forgot about this year's NHL All-Star game (OK technically we did; My TIVO had an easier time finding episodes of My So Called Life). The game featured a bigger collection of no namers than this year's cast of Saturday Night Live. We'd give you an update, but then again, we'd have to find the Versus Network, and then watch it, and then care. Continue Entry»

HS Football Players Overweight? Holley Disagrees.

New study claims that more and more high school football lineman are clinically obese. Try telling that to all 5-9 and 300-pounds of Holley Mangold. I mean it. I dare you. Continue Entry»

Tiger to Adress the Nation

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA - This afternoon, following his practice round at Torrey Pines C.C., the most dominant athlete in the World will address the nation (much like President Bush did last night) with his first press conference of 2007. Tiger will answer questions on topics ranging from this week's Buick Invitational (A tournament which he has won 4 times and never finished outside of the top 10 in nine starts) to the new Fed-Ex Cup. Woods comes into this tournament riding six consecutive wins, and will look to make it 7 in a row this week at a venue that couldn't adhere more perfectly to his game. It's been a rough 4 months for fans of the star golfer, as he hasn't laced up the ol' golf shoes and put on the tight-fitting Nike shirts (which we'd all like to wear when we play if we were cut up like Tiger) since October 1st. I'd imagine he's really been fine-tuning his game in the off season, as he looks to come out and show the rest of the tour who's in charge in '07 (I don't think I'd touch a club in the off season; instead I would spend as much time as possible with my beautiful wife if I was Eldrick. In fact, if that was my wife, I might quit the sport all together and just hang out with her all day every day). It should be a treat if Tiger is in the hunt come this weekend since the previous tournaments this year haven't been too scintillating without the tour's center of attention in the mix.

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Microsoft Befriends Cavs Superstar (Who hasn't?)

CLEVELAND, OHIO - The Associated Press is reporting that Cavs star forward Lebron James will be a part of the new advertising campaign for Microsoft's new operating system: Windows Vista. He will make what are said to be "cameo" appearances on tv commercials which will begin airing on January 30th. King James is the first ever NBA player used in the promotion of Microsoft products. There has been no report on the terms of this deal, though James is already worth about $150 million in endorsements. Last year, James told the Associated Press that one of his primary goals was "to be the richest man in the world." Here's an idea, how about listing winning an NBA championship as your primary goal, after putting a scare into Cleveland fans by only signing a 3 year deal this past offseason. I'm glad to see that Lebron has had extra time to film commercials and become an advertising icon over the past year, and I do understand that this is a business before anything else. However, as the man that we as Cavs fans have put our faith into to bring us a title, I'd like to see him focus more on addressing the problems with this team's lack of offensive production instead of television appearances (although if these ones are as solidly produced as "The Lebrons" commercials for Nike, I may be a little easier on him).

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Marvin Clueless

After the blockbuster trade between the Indiana Pacers and the Golden State warriors, Marvin Lewis' Bengals team now owns professional sports highest arrest rate at 17%.

Bengals cornerback Johnathan Joseph helped the Cincinatti Bengals inch one step closer to an unprecedented double-digit year in arrests by becoming the ninth player in a span of nine months to get arrested. Early Monday he was pulled over in Kentucky and is being brought up on charges of marijuana possession.

This sounds all too familiar. Obviously Marvin Lewis is going to take action. When questioned on Tuesday, Marvin Lewis had this to say, "The biggest thing I would say to you is there's some things probably that in the first year or so [as head coach] I wouldn't tolerate, and I've become a little bit more tolerable of." Well now his players know where he stands!

Seeing as Marvin Lewis and the Bengals organiztion have had difficulty abiding by the law over the last few years, lets take a look at their 2006 Draft:

Round 1: Johnathan Joseph: Marijuana Possession

Round 3: Frostee Rucker: Spousal Battery and Vandalism

Round 5: A.J. Nicholson: Burglary (of his own teammate at Florida State)

Round 7: Reggie McNeal: Resisting arrest

After all the offseason legal difficulties the team went through, this is the draft they came up with. After the draft however, the Bengals felt they didn't quite get as many potential criminals as they had liked so they scooped up Ahmad Brooks (who was kicked off of the Virginia team for marijuana possession) in the 3rd round of the supplemental draft. Vegas oddsmakers have Brooks as a 2 to 1 favorite to be the 10th Bengals arrest of the year.
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Roddick vs. Federer Part 14

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DOWN UNDER - Tennis fans everywhere are talking about the upcoming matchup between Roger Federer and Andy Roddick; arguably the two biggest names in the world of men's tennis. This matchup comes in the semifinals of the Australian Open, and the winner is likely to go on and win the major championship. Roddick has been on a tear lately, and says that he owes this mostly to the coaching and mentoring of former great Jimmy Connors. After committing only 4 unforced errors in a straight-set victory earlier today over fellow American and long-time friend Mardy Fish, Roddick says that he is "closing the gap" between himself and the #1 player in the world (I'm hoping this means he at least makes this one a challenge for Federer who has owned Roddick in every statistic other than funny self-deprocating comments during post-match interviews over the last few years). On the other hand, Federer hasn't lost a set yet in his 5 matches (I don't think he's broken a sweat for that matter), and has never had trouble returning the monster serve of the American.
As of late, the matchups between these two have left Roddick searching for answers, and Federer with more and more trophies to dust in the ol' case. Federer has won 12 of 13 against our current "Man Crush of the Week," although Roddick did win an exhibition match against his arch rival only ten days ago (This is about as significant as an NBA summer league victory). Those interested in tuning into this monumental match should be glad to know that it will be televised on ESPN at 3:30 a.m. Eastern Time on Thursday morning (Prime Time). This should upset those avid fans of the World's Strongest Man Competition, which is traditionally viewable at that hour (Is it really that fun to watch one of the Magnus' win every time anyways?). Personally, I can't wait to see the shot of whichever knockout female Roddick is "courting" these days in the stands during the match (Although I still haven't forgiven him for letting go of Mandy Moore (I also haven't forgiven my boy Vinny Chase for letting her go on "Entourage" )).

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

First Round Knockout

Photo Courtesy of Ellwood/Getty Images

DENVER, COLORADO - The NBA's most lethal scoring duo certainly didn't dissappoint during their first game together last night in Denver. The Nuggets stomped the hapless Grizzlies 115-98, and to the dismay of fans who love controversy, Carmelo didn't give us an encore to his hit and run performance against the Knicks which earned him a stiff 15 game suspension. Rumors are floating around that during his time off, Anthony spent some time teaching Kevin Garnett how to not be manly in on-court scuffles (and Garnett certainly mastered the skill). Iverson went for 23 points and 7 assists, while Anthony had a game high 28 points and another 6 assists. Veteran center Marcus Camby has been playing very well as of late, and added 17 pts. and 17 rebounts to the winning effort. Denver is currently in 7th place in the West, although their 8-11 conference record is the worst among playoff teams in the conference. The baby blue bombers have also lost more games at home than any other playoff team out West (10). Despite the tremendous potential of this team with both of their superstars in the lineup, lets not annoint the Nuggets as potential threats to win the West just yet; we'll see what happens when they lose a few games in a row and these two superstars aren't able to throw up undefended alley oops to one another to the delight of their home crowd (No offense to the And 1 mixtape tour, where throwing up undefended alley oops has mesmerized fans to the extent that the likes of "Spyda" and "Half-Man, Half-Amazing are off the streets).
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Barbaro Can't Buy a BREAK

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - To the chagrin of ESPN executives, Barbaro came up short in the cherished Eclipse awards, which honors thoroughbred racing's top horse each year. Now, we here at do not have a vote, or particularly care about the lives of animals or even people for that matter, but we're honestly curious how the horse was even nominated. The equine spent the last calendar year in a horse hospital doing absolutely nothing. If that's the criterion for a prestigious award, does Terri Schiavo now deserve the nod for Time's Person of the Year?

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Monday, January 22, 2007


CLEVELAND, OHIO - Tonight the Cavs showed some real backbone by coming home after a big road victory and getting smoked by the Orlando Magic. Lebron led the sissies in wine and gold with 18 points and 5 assists (More importantly, he stayed hot from the free throw stripe going 6 of 13). I'm especially proud of Big Z, who came out tonight and really made a statement (5 points on 2 of 5 from the floor, with 4 personal fouls and a lacerated eye). Even more impressive were the fans in attendance who I don't think muttered a cheer or even bothered to get out of their seats once (Although who could blame them watching this lifeless team). The highlights of the game included Lebron going 1 of 5 shooting Michael Jordan's patented turn around jumper, and Darko Milicic going baseline and stuffing home a dunk that could have easily been prevented by something high-school coaches call weak side help. Go Cavs!
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Smith Grows One Inch Since Title Game

COLUMBUS - In a stunning development that will likely affect his draft status, his initial contract and the measurements of his wardrobe, Troy Smith has officially gained one full inch. Standing tall at his off-campus apartment, the now six-foot Heisman winner talked about his new-found height.

"We knew my height was going to be the focus from now until the Draft," Smith said. "My team and coaches deserve all the credit. I couldn't have done this without them."

Smith's draft status plummeted after his dreadful National Championship performance, with some scouts positioning him in the mid-third round. ESPN's Mel Kiper dropped Smith from the late first down to the fourth or fifth. All these rankings, however, were predicated on his listed height of 5'11.

"Being around Troy the last few weeks, I think one could pretty easily say that he picked up a quarter inch here and a quarter inch there," said OSU Head Coach Jim Tressel. "Unfortunately it came a little too late. My entire Florida gameplan hinged on utilizing a 5'11 QB."

Smith had been sighted working on improving his height with Eric Lichter, the team's Director of Football Performance.

"I'm sick of the tired mantra 'You can't teach height,'" Lichter said. "Troy's gains are a true measure of what can be accomplished with hard work and dedication."

Chris Leak, Smith's title game counterpart, sounded like the early 90's rapper Skee-Lo as he openly expressed his concern about his height leading up to April's draft.

"It's true, I wish I was a little bit taller," Leak said. "Unfortunately, the measurement at the combine will be the one time Tim Tebow won't be able to come to my rescue." Continue Entry»

OSU B'Ball Calls For White Out

COLUMBUS - Widely regarded as one of the most lifeless and sterile on-campus basketball venues in the nation, Value City Arena will play host to the nationally televised MSU/OSU match-up on Saturday. Only this time, the 19,500 unresponsive fans in attendance will supposedly be donning white. Considering the usual crowd at OSU, the middle-aged fans that take up the entire lower bowl don't need to wear anything different for the theme to take effect (I've seen more color at a college football coaching convention). OSU should probably go ahead and leave this gimmick to Penn State, a school that knows something about perfecting the craziness that should go hand and hand with student sections and home field advantages. Perhaps whine and cheese faithful we'll get really crazy and do the wave, or chant "air-ball," if the situation calls for it. Continue Entry»

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Bigelow To Meet Real Undertaker

PARTS UNKNOWN - Sad news to report from the world of fake sports, as Bam Bam Bigelow passed away this weekend. Who could forget one of the WWE's most historic crossover moments when Lawrence Taylor took to the "squared circle" to defeat Bigelow in Wrestlemania XI? His finisher was the Flying Headbutt, one of the worst in all off wrestling. Check out this moving tribute. Still unclear if this is a good ole wrestling gimmick, or if he is indeed dead. We'll keep you posted. Continue Entry»