Thursday, February 12, 2009

We've Moved, To Another Site That Nobody Likes!

We're not sure how you got directed here, in fact, where were you when we were churning out perfect blog items a few times a year? Well, we've moved on to Wordpress, which means all the same horrible writing and hacky jokes, only this time, the terrible site design is now slightly below average. So check it out, at and unimproved. Continue Entry»

Introducing: The Alyssa Milano Collection

Are you a Cleveland girl who enjoys munilot drunken dabauchery? Do you have a yearning for a three-four defensive scheme featuring zero playmakers at the LB position? Have you hooked up with Braylon Edwards after a night out at XO? Has Ryan Tucker thrown you through a window in a fit of roid rage? Then Alyssa Milano's new "Touch" Collection featured in the Cleveland Browns gift shop is for you.

Considering the unorthodox way the Browns coach actually hired the GM, it's fitting that when fans pose the inevitable question of "Who's the Boss?", they'll be sporting apparel from the catalogue of a former cast member! The name of the new couture label itself ("Touch") might appear to be at odds with the throwing style of starting quarterback Derek Anderson. It does however properly describe the method by which the Browns defense attempts to tackle.

Sizes available are (S) (M) (L) and (RAC). Continue Entry»


Mo Williams was the 14th choice for the All-Star game, but fourth for the skills competition after Jameer Nelson's injury. Motivation must be derived from this right? Cavs insider.

In the same article, Windhorst writes that LeBron's refusal to do dunk contests has a root: "There are some who believe James was scarred by the Slam Dunk Contest at the 2003 McDonald's All-American Game, which he controversially won. Had he competed and lost over All-Star Weekend to lesser names, it could have had consequences on his reputation." Well I did some research, as it turns out, the judges were Carlos Boozer, DeSagana Diop, Darius Miles, DaJuan Wagner and his colostomy bag, and Michael Vick.

Bill Livingtston says Mike Brown does not need to apologize for his tirade. I will not be writing a similar piece about Bill Livingston's column.

Mel Kiper says the Browns need speed and pass-rushing linebackers.

Hey you over there without a job. I'm guessing you won't be flying to Goodyear to watch an 81-win team play in a ballpark that charges $9.50 for a sandwich in this downtrodden economy. Don't laugh Carl Pavano, this could be you in a year. Continue Entry»

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Cleveland - Tonight the Cavs leaned on the Eastern Conference All Star Team's 14th man. Mo Williams stole the show from LeBron with 44 points and 7 assists, shooting 18-26 from the floor and not using the rim for most of his makes. This comes after it was announced that Mo will be one of the ballers in the All Star Saturday night Skills Competition. Hopefully someone can poison something in one of Jason Kapono's meals so Mo can participate in the 3-point shootout, as tonight Mo was 7-9 from (DEEP IN THE Q BLAJSAKJLAJSALBLAHHAHABLAH)!!!!!!

Z continued to look very bad and finally Big Ben and Sideshow Bob got extra minutes. Boobs Gibson played better and was shockingly good on defense. However that defense was helped by the Suns, minus Steve Nash, turning the ball over in very ugly fashion TWENTY FIVE TIMES. Phoenix was extremely unimpressive and they might just completely blow this once great group up (they really already have been blown up). LeBron for the most part deferred and didn't have to do anything special tonight. Anyways, the Cavs (AND MYSELF) head to Phoenix this weekend at 40-11 with only a couple bad losses and 1 very big win. All in all great 1st half, and don't look now, but thee one, thee only, D-HOOD is creepin on a come up. GO CAVS.

And look for LeBron to get his 24 All Star Field Goal Attempts. I for one don't want to get sold short. Continue Entry»

Cavs vs. Phoenix

Cleveland - Tonight the Cavs try and bounce back from losses to Lamar Odom and Joey Crawford against the struggling Phoenix Suns. Traditionally 2-time joke MVP Steve Nash and LeBron tend to have big numbers against one another, but the Suns tend to win the game. Mike D'antoni is finally gone however and the current Suns team does not resemble the old 60-win teams. Biggg Shaq Daddy Diesel (The best and most productive player on 3 Laker championship teams, and 2nd best player on a Miami title team) has been playing better than expected this season. This Phoenix team might be older than the members over at Lakeview Cemetery but they could still present problem for a struggling Cavs team with no decent 2 guard.

The Cavs of late have gotten away from their style of defending and rebounding as well as falling into the trap of watching and depending on LeBron James. This game could turn into an arena football game if Mike Brown and Terry Porter let their teams disregard one end of the floor. I'll take the Cavs by a count of 112-101. Continue Entry»

LeBron James Denies Steroid Use

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - In the era of performance-enhancing drugs, every athlete's weight fluctuations on a year-to-year basis come with an enormity of speculation. Yet, somehow, NBA players have always been immune to the type of skepticism that accompanies mass gain or loss for other athletes in other sports. With PEDs dominating the headlines since Canseco penned his first ever subject-predicate sequence, it's a little shocking that nobody has every directly asked LeBron James if his roughly 4o-pound weight gain had anything to do with the same doping that was running rampant in every other sport. Was the guy going to have to travel back in time and put on a Texas Rangers jersey for someone to actually ask some questions?

Well after five years in the league, it took an Indianapolis Star writer (former Cleveland PD writer Bob Kravitz) to pop the question of pill popping. Here was the King's answer:
"I could never see myself doing anything to get an edge by using something that's banned,'' James said before Tuesday night's wild 96-95 Indiana Pacers' victory over James' Cleveland Cavaliers at Conseco Fieldhouse. "I would never put myself in that position. There are way too many kids who look up to me, who look up to the guys around us who believe we're heroes.

"I could never do anything like that to change the way a kid thinks about me as an individual. I couldn't do it.''

So James joins Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Miguel Tajada, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, Jason Giambi, Alex Rodriguez, Ken Caminiti, and Rafael Palmeiro, on a growing list of players who have denied steroid usage. It's obvious that Bron has been immune to these types of allegations because his muscle gain could be dismissed as a growth spurt. He's 24 years old and it looks like he's finally stopped cycling growing.

So, now it's out there. LeBron is on record as saying he would never take steroids in the future. Although if you look closely at the quote, he didn't exactly deny taking them in the past. Which if we've learned anything from Rafael Palmeiro or A-Rod, it's to leave some wiggle room, oh and to make sure not to stack winstrol and dianaball concurrently during the 2nd cycle. Obviously.
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Brett Favre is Retiring...Again

NEW YORK - Well in continuing with the saga that has ruined episodes of sportscenter for the past 3 years, Brett Favre has decided to go ahead and... WHO CARES! The only way I could be less interested in this guy would be if he had penises growing off of his face. This time, he didn't put on the big production, instead having his agent break the news to the Jets. I'd like to personally thank Brett for this, as I won't have to see him crying on television and hear all of the former average NFL players ESPN Analysts give their take on whether he'll actually be back. At this point it is unclear whether or not Favre will be issuing a public apology to Eric Mangini for costing him his job, thus resulting in him coming to Cleveland. Continue Entry»


LeBron after the game talks about the controversial call:
"The last call against me? Not questionable at all. No contact was made." LeBron's memory is starting to rival that of Ronald Reagan's towards the late stages of his life. Bad call, but he made contact.

LeBron denies steroid use. I guess we should take him at his word, right? More on this later.

Shaq says Kobe is the best player in the NBA, again. The girl Kobe raped also thinks Kobe is the best. This is like Obsama Bin Laden saying George Bush is the best president ever.

Does Ohio State have ANY non-white players? Look at photo above! OSU Coach talks about is slow white players offensive line.

David Light's return is now officially doubtful.

Chris Brown's music has been pulled from Kiss FM
. Imagine if Z107.9 pulled all the music associated with criminal behavior. You'd cease to have a station.
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Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Message Board Mania is proud to bring to you a brand new feature; a comprehensive look at a controversial game through the eyes of a fanbase's most rational fans: message board posters. The following are actual threads started on a local message board following tonight's controversial loss to the Pacers. Continue Entry»

Where have the Cavs gone?

Indiana - Tonight the Cavs decided to take the 1st 46 minutes of the basketball game off and in the end were bitten by a ref that didn't get enough attention as a kid. LeBron had about the worst 47, 7 and 4 (on 12-21 shooting) game that a player could ever have. He had 7 well deserved, awful turnovers and was lazy on transition and half-court defense until the final few minutes. His night was very Kobe-like, and the Cleveland Cavs will never be able to survive LeBron playing like Kobe.

This Cavs team is slowly turning into the Cavs teams of the last few years as on offense lately it is dependent on LeBron isolation with a few Mo Williams jumpers as well. Mike Brown is most likely using the excuse of 3 shooting guards being injured to give a bad Boobie Gibson a ton of minutes and try and play a small offensive group and bench his better defenders. Big Z has looked slower than usual since his return with the exception of the Clipper game and Andy and Big Ben should have played more tonight. This Cavs team is not playing at the level it was during the 1st month-plus of the season on offense, defense or rebounding.

Maybe most importantly, one of the refs (not Joey Crawford) made a foul call against LeBron with 0.2 seconds which was one of the worst calls in NBA history. He made the call because the play looked extremely similar to an alley-oop 0.2 seconds earlier in which a foul was called against Danny Granger. The call against Granger was a probably a bad call, but Granger did make a lot of contact. The call against LeBron was an abomination and this ref should be suspended as a result. Mike Brown will be paying cheddar for his comments after the game in which for the first time I can remember he murdered a referee with his comments. That being said, Coach potato-head was wrong in that the call did not cost the Cavs this game, it was moreso the extremely lazy effort the team gave for 46 minutes. Phoenix tomorrow - GO CAVS



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So Much for that Chip on Mo Williams' Shoulder

Indiana - It's been a devastating week for the Cavaliers, who've lost Aleksandar Pavlovic, who were beaten a second time by the Lakers, who might not have the lock anymore on a LeBron MVP, and who now don't have all that contrived motivation working for them that comes with sending only one player to the all-star game

Yep, Mo Williams is now a full-fledged all-star now that Chris Bosh is out with an injury (similar to when I became a student council rep after four kids died in my graduating class). We're wondering why Tony Allen wasn't considered. Oh and there goes my joke about Mike Brown getting in all his that he really does have two options. The real question, will Williams be able to get off any shots while LeBron is taking his customary all-star total of 24 shots.

EDIT - Oh and notice that the photographer was not about to wait even another second for Mo to look up at the camera.
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Alex Rodriguez is Dominating SportsCenter

CHOCOLATE FACTORY - Since I haven't been able to see any normal sports coverage on my favorite show due to this mess, I thought I'd put down a few words about it. Apparently Alex Rodriguez took the only known strand of performance enhancing drugs that makes you hit home runs, hit for a high percentage, and look a whole heck of a lot like an Oompa Loompa. Somewhere along the way, ESPN decided that it would be a great idea to hold all of their interviews under some sort of weird orange light, making the people being interviewed look absolutely repulsive. First, Ken Whisenhunt was interviewed during the week of the Super Bowl, and this crazy light made his front teeth resemble those of Captain Jack Sparrow, and now this

Now back to A-Rod, or A-Fraud as these oh so witty columnists have dubbed him. Not that my humble opinion means anything in the least, but this guy has been one of the worst post-season hitters greatest hitters ever to play the game. So he took some performance enhancing drugs, we get it. So did half the damn league, and you know made this miserably boring game a tad bit more exciting for a while there. In fact, since the "Steroid Era" ended, there have been less homeruns, considerably less excitement and fewer domestic violence cases off the field. This is not a recipe for success.

Having watched the interview with Peter Gammons, I do genuinely feel that Rodriguez is sincere in his apology. You can't fake those awkward facial expressions and near breakdowns. Is it fair that this guy has to take the heat while 103 players who tested positive remain anonymous? No, it isn't. When asked about this, A-Rod said he didn't care about anyone else and wouldn't comment, which is absolutely the correct thing to do. Be a man, accept that what you did was wrong, and don't go blaming others like Jose Canseco did. If I could eliminate one person from the universe it would be Canseco, what a lowlife this guy is. Unfortunately he wasn't able to save enough money from his overrated career, so he had to go making things up about all of the players who were better than he was to make a few extra bucks to afford all of that hair gel. A-Rod, salutes you for taking steroids, and admitting to it, and hitting homeruns, and banging Madonna, and being handsome, and not liking Derek Jeter.
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Cavs at Pacers

Tonight The Cavs head to Indy to rebound from Lamar Odom's domination over Boobie Gibson. The C-L-E tends to play well against the Pacers and LeBron and Danny Granger have developed a mini-rivalry. Look for Anderson Varejao to come back strong after playing like a 7th grade CYO girl against the Lakers; He has some of his best games against Indy

The Cavs have not lost 2 straight games yet this season, BUT the Pacers can do something no other NBA squad can accomplish, throw a Whitewash at LeBron James. Skin color has been a hot topic in our country of late but more importantly of course on this website. Unfortunately Jeff Foster and Mike Dunleavy Jr. may be out due to injury, or else we could see the historic Klan lineup of Travis Diener, Josh McRoberts, Troy Murphy, Foster and Dunleavy on an NBA floor. I'm pretty sure these are not foreigners people! The idea of this opposing 5 wets LeBron's appetite moreso than sloppy McDonald's double cheeseburgers and filet o fish sandwiches wets my own.

If Granger gets in foul trouble look for LeBron to go off for 35, 13 and 10 with 4 steals and 3 blocks. The Cavs should rebound and move the ball infinitely better than they did on Sunday in their first home loss. The Eastern Conference All Star head coach Mike Brown also had what was most likely his worst game of the season and should get back to being his awesome matchup/substituting self. I'll take the C-L-E in a game closer than some would think against a team that I could still see making a playoff push by a score of 102-97.
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Cleveland Is Miserable, Even With LeBron

In case their were still any doubters left, Forbes has confirmed what Karl Malone, Gary Miller, and thousands of other college degree-holding northeast Ohioans already know: Cleveland is a miserable city

In a rare Forbes piece that actually references an African American (that would be like Slam Magazine doing a feature on a Jewish American that's not an agent or commissioner), the author explains why Cleveland (#4) is on equal footing with Stockton California and Flint, Michigan:

"Only Denver gets socked with more snow than Cleveland's 52-inch annual average among the 50 largest metros. Clevelanders wait in fear for July 1, 2010, when hoops star LeBron James can switch teams as a free agent."

Great, so Forbes joins ESPN, the entire New York media, and Maverick Carter as those that think LeBron is a goner. By the way, will someone tell all these websites that do lists like "Most educated cities" and "Best towns to meet singles" that you're allowed to list all the cities on one page. Not like is the paragon of website design (although our new relaunch is coming soon), but nobody wants to tediously scroll through each page just to see your not-so-comprehensive list, unless teens on toilets are involved (just make sure to set a system restore point before you go on that scavenger hunt).
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Much like the Spurs win the title every other year, the Indians achieve similar success in odd years - but without the titles or the fans. AL Central prospectus

LeBron wins player of the week award once again. I was going to joke about whether the voters were blind, but it turns out that Gordon Gund has a ballot and he was indeed at Sunday against the Lakers - sitting courtside no less!

Terry Pluto says he wishes he was listening to Hubie Brown instead of JVG on Sunday. Well I wish I was reading Hal Lebovitz instead of Terry Pluto right now. Tate remark offensive.

Buckeyes back in the AP Poll, perhaps an NIT bid is not in the offing after all. Oh and Evan Turner is player of the week...and is so gone.

Lots of people tuned in for JJ Hickson's boxing out tutorial. Kobe/LeBron draws stellar rating.
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Monday, February 9, 2009

Browns Lose Another Assistant: Ken Dorsey Waived

The never-ending third-team quarterback controversy got even hazier today as the Browns waived Ken Dorsey and Bruce Gradkowski. This leaves new coach Eric Mangini and the rest of the Browns brass in a tenuous position of having to actually find a third option to fill in once options one and two contract MRSA and/or go down with the dreaded ACL/MCL tear

Browns fans are sure to have mixed emotions on the Dorsey era. Few players were able to motion in the signals with the flair and passion of Dorsey. He'll also remain one of the few quarterbacks of the modern era to sport the full length t-shirt under the spotless, seldom-used jersey. However, some purists continue to assert that Dorsey, as the sideline signaller, failed in his job as the last line of defense for Romeo and Chud's horrendous playcalling - and that he could have changed calls on the fly. He was also limited in his abilities over the years to run the scout team and to mimic opposing QB's. One source told us that janitors within the complex would be asked to come in and make the 15-yard throws that Dorsey was unable to hammer out.

Calls made to Bernie Kosar Ken Dorsey's agent were not returned.
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The Lakers Own the East

LOS ANGELES - Nobody expected this...not even the writers here at, who are more obsessed with the Lakers than teenage girls Jack Nicholson. A 6-0 Eastern Conference road trip, with wins over the Celtics & Cavaliers headlining this streak. The Lakers are now 4-0 against the Cavs & Lakers combined, and have broken all sorts of streaks along the way. They dismantled a 19-game winning streak of the Celts, another 12 gamer last Thursday, and most recently snapped the Cavs unbeaten streak at "The Q.

They've done this by becoming tougher on the defensive end, and the killer part is that they lost Andrew Bynum possibly for the season, and have shown that they are still dominant without their injury prone 7 footer. Yesterday afternoon, Lamar Odom remembered that he's 6'10" and should be dominating smaller players in the paint instead of running around out of control and slamming layups off the backboard. Kobe was hampered by the flu, and Gasol didn't play well at all, and the Lakers still left Cleveland with a 10 point victory. Of course, it helped that LeBron went 5 for 20 and seemed to forget how to finish at the basket. He also forgot that when you get a mismatch, it's not real effective to take advantage of that by shooting fadeaways to bail out the defense. Oh well, everyone is entitled to a bad game...this was his.

Clearly, LeBron has had a stronger first half of the season than Kobe. However Cleveland fans, yesterday was the most hyped game of the season, and LeBron laid an egg. MVP voters will now look at Kobe Bryant, who will play possibly the rest of the way without his center, and how could they not give him the MVP if the Lakers finish with the best record in basketball? It would be a shame, but this award never does make sense. First Mo Williams was snubbed twice, will LeBron be next?

In related news, Vladimir Radmanovic, best known for nearly hitting the rafters with every shot attempt, came out and said that "Role players do nothing in Phil Jackson's system." Interesting notion, considering Jordan Farmar, Trevor Ariza, Luke Walton & Sasha Vujacic seem to thrive as role players in this system. Maybe what he meant to say was "Bad players do nothing in this system." Radmanovic is another 6'10" guy who can't defend, and sits behind the arc waiting to launch open threes...a real hot commodity in the NBA. Perhaps he'll have more fun playing on a terrible team that will be down by 20 all the time, thus making his role more important.
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Dirty Bird

GEORGIA - reported today that we've got another post-NFL success story on our hands. Former Falcons overrated running back Jamal Anderson, creator of the famed "Dirty Bird" endzone celebration, was arrested with cocaine and marijuana at a night club Saturday night. The best part about this story is that someone heard the sniffing from the bathroom stall, and snitched to an undercover police officer. When the officer went to check it out, he peered over a locked stall to find Anderson and a 20 year old dude sniffing lines of cocaine off the back of a public toilet.
. God bless drugs, I won't even sit on a public toilet seat, and these assholes are sniffing in cocaine off of something that drunk people pee all over. I'm guessing that this may negatively effect his career as an analyst for ESPN...however Michael Irvin did more cocaine than any NFL player(or coke-head) ever has and he's still got a job with 'em so who knows.
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LeBron's homage to Jason Kidd went a little too far last night going 16-12-8 night on 5 of 20 shooting. Not that Kobe was that much better. (we hope to have more on this.. Rossistron? Hello?)

Tigers Woods' wife gives berth to son. We'll monitor this situation closely as he'll attempt to become most successful white golfer in PGA history.

Terrible effort last night for the Lake Erie Monsters. Why do we think it's important? Well apparently WKNR did, as they aired the AHL game over Cavaliers post-game show.

David Lighty's return to the OSU lineup is not looking good. It's looking for like he'll be a part of the next Thad 5, in 2010. OSU insider

Chris Brown has a funny way of doubling one's pleasure... as he allegedly sent Rihanna to rehab. Chris Brown investigated
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Sunday, February 8, 2009


Today the Pau Gasol-led Los Angeles Lakers (40-9) come to The Q to challenge the Cavs (39-9) undefeated home record. In the last meeting the Lakers were able to dominate the Cavs inside the paint with the combination of Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol. LAL shooting guard Bryant (3 time world champion, 0 time convicted rapist) milked a finger injury all game after touching the rock that is LeBron James early in the 1st quarter. Luckily for #24 he was then able to successfully defer to the higher percentage shooters

Today however the tables have been turned as Bynum has been lost for 8-12 weeks and Big Z is back for the C-L-E. The Lakers also just traded VladRad for two awful players in Caucasian Adam Morrison and former Cleveland 1st rounder (and of course BUST) Shannon Brown. Unfortunately LA will likely be without both scrubs as they probably have not turned their heads and coughed while the Laker's team doctor touches them intimately. The Cavs will continue to be without Delonte West (AKA: DHood; Lil Red) and possibly Sasha Pavlovic.

The big question today is if both teams will be making an effort to execute solid basketball on both ends of the floor or if Cavs small forward LeBron James (the best player in basketball for a few years now) will get caught up in a pissing contest with overrated Laker shooting guard Bryant . Many people incorrectly feel that Bryant's ability to make high degree of difficulty field goal attempts make him one of the top two players in thee Association. LeBron tends to try and show people he can make the same ridiculous shots instead of just continuing to beat his defenders to the hoop for And Ones. If LeBron stays out of foul trouble look for him to defend Kobe a lot in the second half and give him the most contested jumpers he can find (even moreso than the awful shots Kobe took against Paul Pierce on Thursday).

This game is going to come down to a combination of which superstar plays better, team rebounding and which team shoots the 3-ball with more accuracy. I'll take the C-L-E by a count of 104-92.Go Cavs, Hopefully the 13 readers of this site notice this is a new opinion as I (Rossitron) am popping my cherry with this, my 1st post.
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