Saturday, January 24, 2009

NBA Power Rankings CLEVELAND, OH - We are halfway through the NBA season and after already dishing out the Cavs Midseason Report Card, it’s time for “Shane Vendrell’s NBA Power Rankings” (Top 16 edition). The rankings featured below are not to be confused with the ridiculously autistic “Hollinger Power Rankings” or the dim-witted “Marc Stein Power Rankings.” Unlike those, these rankings are much more ignorant and much less popular but I’m bringing them to you nonetheless. With that being said, let’s not waste any more time and get right to the action…

16. Sixers – Philly had a rough start to the season but they have been playing better as of late and with the Elton Brand set to come back they could make some noise in the East. Let’s not get carried away though, they’ll make about as much noise as a girl does that I brought home from the bar when I’m “pleasuring” her.

15. Heat – They’ve got DWade, who is absolutely phenomenal, and that’s about it. (Although dead last in the league in three point shooting %) Now that Shawn Marion doesn’t have Steve Nash to play alongside with he is not the same player he was, however, he did seem to retain the same disgusting jump shot form. This team will make the playoffs but an early 1st round exit looks to be in their future.

14. Pistons – This team just keeps getting older and the Billups-Iverson trade is just blowing up in their face. And don’t tell me it’s because Rip Hamilton was out because they have struggled since his return. Don’t look for this team to make a deep postseason run like Pistons teams of the past as they’re not even close to the same team. Rodney Rogers and Richard Collier have a better chance at making a run than this team does.

13. Suns – Same story, different year. The suns will win a decent amount of games, make you think maybe this is the year, and then get bounced in the first or second round. Shaq is 84 yrs old and less dominant than a girl in David Meggett’s bedroom. Nash and Amare are great but this team is not coming close to a championship anytime soon.

12. Mavs – My unhealthy male crush on Dirk Nowitzki will not allow me to bash the Mavs but here’s another team that will win more than they lose and get knocked out in the first or second round. Enough about that though how awesome is big Dirk dog? Does it get any better than the seven footer from Germany? The answer is no, it does not.

11. Jazz – The Jazz have the best coach in the league and the best state to attempt to marry multiple women at the same time. Boozer has been hurt which hasn’t helped but, when healthy, this is a dangerous team that I wouldn’t want to see in the playoffs.

10. Blazers – One of my favorite teams in the league, the Blazers are loaded with young talent and should be a force in the Western Conference in years to come as long as Greg Oden can stay healthy. That being said, they are still about two years away from being a serious contender and I’m about two years away from reaching puberty.

9. Hawks - Same story here, another fun team loaded with young talent that is a couple acquisitions/years away from being a contender. Al Horford going down was a big blow, as he has been sorely missed, but do not count this team out. They gave the Celtics fits in last year’s playoffs kind of like how I gave the last girl I slept with an STD.

8. Nuggets - Boy did that Billups trade work out nicely for this team as they have overachieved in every way this year. Even with Melo missing time they are still winning games and trying to state their case as a legit contender in the West. However, George Karl still can’t get this team to play D which is why they are most certainly NOT a legit contender.

7. Spurs – The ageless wonders are back at it again, winning lots of games and getting role players to hit clutch shots for them again and again (see Roger Mason, Robert Horry). Popovich is a phenomenal coach but can they put it all together for one last championship run? That’s like asking if Eva Longoria can keep her hands off me and stay faithful to Tony Parker. The answer to both is obviously 100% NO.

6. Hornets – It has been a roller coaster type season for these Hornets and they need to improve on the road, but I absolutely love this team. Chris Paul is the best point guard ever to play the game and he’s got some weapons around him (although Peja needs to sack up and pick it up). This team is definitely one to be taken seriously as is the red rash that has appeared on my undercarriage this morning.

5. Rockets – When healthy and not acting like children, this Houston Rockets team is absolutely loaded with talent. There is no doubt that they are championship contenders, however, the chances of Yao/TMac not getting hurt and Artest not being the worst teammate on Earth are equal to the chances of CursedCleveland still being around in February.

4. Magic – I keep trying to tell myself that this Magic team is not for real but road wins over the Spurs, Lakers, and Nuggets have made me a believer. Not to mention they are 17-5 on the road and 18-4 against the West. Let’s not get carried away though this team is not beating the Celtics or Cavs in a seven game series but I certainly wouldn’t be excited to face them.

3. Celtics – The defending champs are still a force to be reckoned with but I don’t see a repeat in their future. Paul Pierce is the most overrated player in the league and couldn’t carry Kobe or LeBron’s jock, while Jesus Shuttlesworth is half the player he was at Big State. KG, you are still the man but I’m afraid you will never get that 2nd ring.

2. Cavs - How awesome was that game winner last night? These Cavs are the real deal and should face the Celtics in the East Conf. Finals for a trip to the Finals. I still believe they are one move away from contending with the Lakers and hopefully Danny Ferry can get that done. Rossitron don’t hesitate to hook your boy up with some playoff tickets!

1. Lakers – Best and deepest team in the league with the best player in the league (Mambaaaaaaaa!). Do I really need to say more?

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Despite James' Late Airballed Three, Cavs Win

GOLDEN STATE - OK, so last night's game winner was pretty sweet, but we know LeBron would be getting killed today by fans wondering why he A) almost had worse clock management on the last play than Romeo Crennel; B) Still thinks the most dominant penetrator in the league should ever shoot a 19-footer with a game on the line; C) is ever going 10 of 16 from the free throw line. By the way, ever since Brian Windhorst wrote his column about Bron eclipsing 80% from the stripe, he's shooting 71%. At least it's not as bad as his three-point shooting, which is 116th out of a possible 122 (even though he's taken more threes than 91 others).

Also, Mo Williams had another horrible shooting night last night. In his last four games, he's had three clunkers. When he's on, the Cavaliers are almost unbeatable; but when he's off, the Cavaliers look more extremely vulnerable - (they struggled to get by a 13-win team on the road without their top scorer).

Obviously it's a good sign that the Cavs are winning games in which they're not playing well on the road. And if LeBron can start looking like Kobe at the end of games like he did last night, they're in good shape. But we're starting to think this Cavalier team is a little more mortal than they had looked in the first 2 months of the season.
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Friday, January 23, 2009

Now THIS is Funny!

Melbourne, Australia - According to reports, the wildebeast sisters had a run in with a streaker in the middle of their doubles match today. Apparently the man was wearing nothing but a shirt, and had a few dance moves to show off to the crowd before running towards an exit. When interviewed after the match concluded, Venus Williams said "I can't believe that guy's penis was bigger than Serena's!" Serena nodded. These two muscle bound freaks haven't seen a naked man in years, god bless this guy for trying to keep them from being full on lesbians. Oh yea, they won the match, you know because they're bigger and stronger than all the other women are....and most of the men are.
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A.J. Smith Hates L.T

San Diego, CA - The week of public bashings continues as Chargers general manager A.J. Smith went ahead and publically mocked star running back Ladanian Tomlinson on Wednesday. According to reports, L.T. posted on his website that he had "NO intentions of leaving San Diego." That's nice, considering if he did it wouldn't be his choice anyways, you know because he's still under contract. In a related report, he also told close friends that he had "NO intentions of ever playing in a meaningful playoff game." In response to this, Smith told the San Diego Union Tribune:

"My first reaction was we both have similar feelings. I have no intentions of leaving San Diego. San Diego is where my GM career started and where I’d like it to end. I also have nothing but love and the utmost respect for this team, the players and the Spanos family. I have absolutely no control over how long I will be with the Chargers."
“As for now, I am the Chargers’ GM, and I have major decisions to ponder for the organization now and in the future. My recommendation to Dean Spanos will be what’s in the best interest of the team – both short and long term. That’s my job. That’s what Dean hired me to do.”

Look, Tomlinson has been one of the best running backs, if not the best in the league for years now. The problem is, he's getting older and lately the guy gets banged up a lot. He's also missed a bunch of playoff games, and screwed a bunch of fantasy football owners this year. Say what you will about Darren Sproles, but he's a midget and isn't an every down back in this league. A.J. Smith is a proven asshole, and I'm ok with that. I see no good reason why you can't taunt a player who sat out the divisional round with a vaginal tear, well that is if you're planning on releasing him. On the other hand, if Smith was a good GM, he might have considered hanging on to Michael Turner, you know the current Pro Bowler who averaged over 5 yards per carry in his Chargers career. If he had this kind of a season behind the Falcons O-Line, imagine what he might have done over the course of the year with the Chargers' star-studded line blocking for him.
The AFC West which is arguably the shittiest division in football, is not helping it's plight this offseason so far. Shanahan was fired, Herm Edwards is on the ropes (and is a terrible coach, motivator, and all around person), the Raiders are a complete disaster and now this...what's next? Stay tuned to for all of your non-Cleveland sports information!
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For Once We Laugh At Dane Cook

CRICKETS - It's now become apparent that theft runs in Dane Cook's family. While he's busy strealing jokes, his brother-in-law is busy stealing Dane's millions. This explains why the alleged funnyman has been making movies non-stop as he attempts to rebuild his fortune (thank goodness for high school girls, who've spend more money these days seeing Dane perform than they do on lip gloss, cigarettes and MSN Messenger-compatible webcams...not that I would know)

Movies have been very good to Dane, and why not? For someone who's made a career with other comic's funny lines, it's an easy transition to read someone else's movie lines. By the way, he's gone from looking like this to looking like this for his most recent role. So not only is he stealing jokes, but he's also stealing Carrot Top's trunk full of HGH. Now I realize that Dane is a great performer, but if I want to see elaborate on-stage performances, I'd go see Cirque Du Soleil - and I'd probably laugh more.
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Browns continue to fill coaching staff, without GM. They might as well fill out the roster and negotiate contracts while they're at it, so we can completely make the GM irrelevant. Quintet of assistants named

So how many shots is LeBron going to chuck in this year's All-Star Game? (My money is on 24, considering he's taken 22, 20 and 21 respectively). All-Stars announced

And you thought Mike Brown didn't make adjustments. Girls teams scored 0 in the first half, then after impassioned half time speech, scores 0 in the 2nd half. Team loses 100-0

Did you know Cliff Lee beat out LeBron as the Cleveland pro athlete of the year? Lee wary of star attention

Oh no, Andrei Arlovski's trainer said his fighter is a better striker than Fedor. Big fight on Saturaday night. Fedor has intimidating style

Ohio's jobless rate soars, and they mistakingly counted Romeo Crennel twice (he took up two spots in the unemployment line). Jobless rate at 7.8%
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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Too Good To Be True

Decatur, AL - Just months after Plaxico Burress shot himself, his replacement on the team went and got shot too! Taye Biddle, who was brought on from the practice squad to fill the void left by Burress, was visiting family when he was shot in the hand and the leg. How's this for irony? Large black man gets shot in the leg while assuming the role of another large black man who shot himself in the leg, you can't dream shit like this up!

My first reaction was to laugh, but I thought that was a bit harsh...and then my second reaction was also to laugh, so I laughed....and I'm still laughing. On a positive note, this guy looks like an animal in his uniform, too bad the only uniform he'll be wearing anytime soon will be his hospital gown. Hang in there Taye, at least you'll have a story to tell your grandchildren, because you certainly won't be telling them any on-field stories from your NFL career.
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Cuts in Berea Not Involving Staph Infection

BEREA - As we referenced earlier, the lagging economy reared it's ugly head once again (seen above and to the left) as Browns owner Randy Lerner was forced to make some tough decisions today. And for once, those decisions had nothing to do with whether or not Stiliyan Petrov's well-publicized spat with new club manager Martin O'Neill will further hamstring Aston Villa's efforts to overcome the early hole they've once again dug themselves into (I know, check out our sister site "" for all the details.

Instead, it's all about the laying off of at least 12 Browns' staffers just days after MLK day - although some of outgoing PR workers were heard proclaiming "free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last." Either way, it's sad to see yet another group of Clevelanders wtihout a job, especially when Trafis Hafner is still gainfully employed (and Greg Brinda). We have invited Randy to appear on our next podcast, but we likely have a better chance of landing Al Lerner at this point.
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Shaq Hates Dwight Howard

NEW YORK, NY - When asked last night if Dwight Howard would be the next closest thing to Shaq that he's seen, Shaquille O'neal responded with the arrogance and dry humor that's made him the funniest person over 7 feet tall on the planet year after year:
"No," he said. "Not at all. He's a good player. He can jump. But no. I was the type of player that they had to have secret meetings and change the rules and do all that. Probably never be another me. He's a good player, but everything he's done, I've invented. So I'm not impressed."

O'neal has had a way with words over the years, calling out nearly every competitor in the league. Who doesn't remember the Kobe rap, the Yao Ming comments, or even the haymaker that nearly ended Brad Miller's life.

The thing about this one is that he couldn't be more wrong if he tried. Dwight Howard is a carbon copy of a young O'Neal, well with more muscle definition, and can jump higher, and shoots a higher free throw percentage, and is faster, quicker and a better dunker. Anyhow, I for one am not that impressed with the Magic, or Dwight Howard's game. He's a beast, don't get me wrong, but he's only good because of his athletic ability at his size. He can't shoot (from more than 5 feet from the basket, including the free throw line), has average low post moves, and has been shut down in the playoffs his entire career. Yea, I know he is an animal on the glass and on defense, but how could you not be at this size?
Am I the only one who couldn't be less worried about this team in the playoffs? Take a look at the game film from the last two Detroit playoff series'....fact is that even with Howard in the middle, this is a jump shooting basketball team. We all know how well jump shooting teams do in the playoffs. On the other hand, Jameer Nelson is having a phenomenal year, Rashard Lewis is still terribly overrated, and Turkoglu is pretty solid and a go-to guy down the stretch in close games. The rest of this team is baaaad, you're not going anywhere in this league with a bench comprised of Mickael Pietrus, Brian Cook, Tony Battie, Anthony Johnson and Marcin Gortat. Sorry Orlando, Shaq's not impressed, and neither am I.
Continue Entry» Featured in New York Times Random Blog

SOMEONE ELSE'S BASEMENT - is finally making the media rounds this week, as it granted its first one-on-one interview interview with rival site It's the type of crossover you'd see between CSI and Without a Trace, only without the humor. tackled the tough questions in this no-holds-barred back and forth, such as "what's your favorite food?" and "why does nobody read you?" leaves a couple stones unturned in this interview, but does waste little time going after the usual suspects: LeBron, Dana Plato, and Ghandi. For your reading pleasure, he's an excerpt:

1. First off I have to say I’m a huge fan. Please tell me that is going to stick around for awhile this time, and if not please let Clown buy it and then hire you as a writer.

A: As a site looking to “take off” I guess it wasn’t smart to base our posting frequency off of LOST’S programming schedule. But hey, at least we come up with more new material than Frank Caliendo.

Jerk of the Month - January
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Mo Williams carries the Cavs in the fourth. Mo and LeBron torch Blazers

We're about to be "Kokinis-ed" sometime in the near future. I feel like the Plain Dealer is taking a cue from LOST and it just traveled back in time. GM announcement to come soon

No Best Picture nod for Dark Knight. Probably because of the three things: A) horrendous post production of Batman's voice; B) contrived application of the prisoner's dilemma; C) the awful wiretapping solution to the movie that's solved in less than 30 seconds. Oscar nominations

Hello friends. I'm a vanilla broadcaster who doesn't have a take on anything. I'd rather be calling a PGA even in January than anthing else - and I've ruined March Madness with my uninspired calls. Nance has faith in Mangini

The Browns currently have two offensive coordinators under contract, yet made all sorts of cuts within the staffing: Browns handling personnel choices poorly

Stripper named Tiara kicked patron in the face. Now being sued for $25,000. Claim should be paid out in ones. Man sues Akron strip club

I wasn't completely thrilled last night with LOST. Does anyone really think Hurly could just escape officers on a stake out by just exiting the rear? (I guess I'll susped belief for time travel, dimensional shifts, and smoke monsters, but not standard police procedural storylines) Here's EW's recap
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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Rick Barry Hates Lebron

Cleveland, OH - Hall of Famer Rick Barry has gone and done what nobody else besides the writers at would do...criticize Lebron James. According to Barry:
"He's got major flaws in his game," the Warriors great said in an interview airing Wednesday night. "He's six years into the NBA. How can a man six years into the NBA with his talent have a major flaw in his shot? How can he not use screens effectively? .. . I watch the game very carefully, he doesn't use screens effectively and this is not LeBron's fault. It's the fault of the people who are teaching him. ... There is no doubt in my mind that LeBron, if shown these things, would do them, because he wants to be a great player. He wants to win a championship. As great as he is, he should be better."

Rick Barry is a little off base here. My issue is this, do you really think coaching is the problem here? Do you think coach Brown instructs Lebron to settle for ridiculous jump shots every time he has a chance to beat the buzzer at the end of a game? Do you think he called for that fadeaway in Chicago which led to a loss last week? No, he didn't, and you're an asshole if you think that this guy listens to any of his coaches. He's the coach of this team, but the problem is, unlike Kobe, you don't see him in the middle of huddles pumping up players and telling young players where they need to be. Instead, he can be seen biting his fingernails and gazing into the distance. Chris Jent works with Lebron constantly on his free throw shooting, and is widely known as a phenomenal shooting coach.

Is Barry saying that Lebron's form is off? Well isn't Peja Stojakovic's form a little off as was Jeff Hornacek's, Reggie Miller's...the list goes on and on. Form isn't the problem, consistency is...not everyone can shoot underhanded Ricky.

We've been very critical in the past of LBJ here, and this has been the season, for me at least, where he's started to make an effort on the defensive end and really impress me. He's clearly the most talented player in the game today, I'm just not sold on the fact that he's as driven to win a title as Kobe is, or Dwyane Wade is for that matter. When the Cavs lose, he's still shaking hands and smiling and laughing with opposing teams' players. Do you ever see Kobe doing this? Do you ever see Lebron get a technical foul or show any emotion when things aren't going his way? (Edit, I just saw that LeBron is third in the league in technicals. Apparently he did learn more than just defense from Kobe this Summer) Show me that you are so competitive that you're willing to look immature during or after games. Show me that you have enough fucking nuts to not go hug guys on the other team after they steal a hard fought game from you. Show me that you've spent countless hours in the gym shooting free throws instead of filming commercial after commercial. Then, and only then, will I really truly love Lebron James as a player.

The guy's young, and I've got all the time in the world to wait...and until then thankfully the NBA has a handful of players who I can be inspired by that care about winning...and only winning.
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Apparently Cleveland State aint getting that football team. So on Saturdays their students can focus on their unaccredited education. No name change or football team.

Browns legend dies. (No jokes, at least for a couple hours, although I had one written about meeting the real Dante).
B.J. Mullens dominated by sophomore seven footer. Stock falling faster than DDR. Buckeyes take hard fall.

You're definitely going to want to check out our enemies at Major League Jerk over the next 48 hours, especially if you hate Major League Jerk

Fox Sports Radio says "You, uhh you're not good" to Chris Myers. The Czabe and J.T. the Brick aren't going anywhere for now. Fox Sports Radio Shakeup

The Razzies are out, and all we can say is thank God there's no equivalent for Worst Cleveland Sports Blogs that hate LeBron James. Love Guru Endearing at Razzies
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Script Obama

WASHINGTON DC - Even though Ohio State may not still have the best damn team in the land (or even one of the top ten damn teams apparently), they still do have the Best Damn Band In the Land. TBDBITL appeared in our nation's capital for some tiny, understated presidential ceremony that went largely unnoticed, as it was nowhere to be found on Nickelodeon or the SciFi Channel (although you'd think having a black President would make for a great science fiction movie someday). Nice to see our band actually play the Buckeye Battlecry and Across the Field after a January Win.

And can someone please tell me why the school with the largest athletics budget in the country couldn't fly their team out for the USC game? Although it did turn out to be a sound fiscal decision considering how many times we would have heard the post-scoring fight song.

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So those were the two best players in the game? That game looked more like Justin Leonard taking on Corey Pavin in some Shell Wide World of Golf match play tourney. Both these guys stink! Then afterwards LeBron took veiled shot at his teammates: "We both took the challenge on guarding each other, their team just made more plays...they have more talent than just Kobe Bryant, they have a lot of guys." PD's writeup of last night's embarrassment

By the way, more on this later - but the numbers are in, and Kobe guarded LeBron 50% more than the other way around last night. Here's the LA Times version.

So I read this whole article about Shin-Soo Choo, and this stuck out at me: "Hitting coach Derek Shelton doesn't think the WBC will hurt Choo" Wait, Shelton's still our hitting coach? Choo playing for Korean team in WBC

Tressel is teling Taj Boyd all sorts of interesting tales. Two-QB system enticing to recruit

Read between the lines about OSU B'ball's newfound chemistry this season: Koufos and Butler were diasters in the lockerroom last year. Buckeyes enjoy company

Free tuition at Toledo. Something tells me kids are still getting ripped of. Free tuition offer

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Monday, January 19, 2009

Savage's Final Report Card

CLEVELAND, OH - This might sting a little browns fans, but it's necessary to take a look back at the last four years and what could have been. The following is an in-depth look at this talent evaluating guru who has set us back many years with his horrific selections. Please settle in, this is long winded, opinionated, and full of humorless jokes.

2005 Draft

Round 1: B+

Pick # 3 - Braylon Edwards - Last year was a disappointing year for Edwards but we cannot forget the pro bowl year he had in 2007. If he has another year like the last I suppose we can think about cutting ties with him. I'll give him a pass on this year because he has the talent, desire, and work ethic the browns need. Here at Cursed Cleveland we also have a thing for handsome players that look good in their uniform, and let's be honest, it doesn't get much better than this guy in that department.

What could have been that round: Antrel Rolle, Carlos Rodgers, Demarcus Ware, Shawne Merriman, Jammal Brown, Roddy White, and Logan Mankins.

Round 2: D+

Pick 34 - Brodney Pool - Was over-hyped in college and has shown he is a below average safety in the NFL. He can't tackle, he can't cover anyone...and he's not intimidating. Also, like Billy Bob, he is one concussion away from never playing football again.

What could have been - Michael Roos, Lofa Tatupu, Nick Collins, Justin Miller, Vincent Jackson, and Darrent Williams.

Round 3: F

Pick # 67 - Charlie Frye - Most Browns fanatics were excited with this one...however I couldn't have hated this pick anymore.. He had a weak arm, terrible facial hair, and the IQ of Radio. He was ambidextrous, which allows him to lob 15 yard out passes into unsuspecting defender's arms with both hands.

What could have been: Justin Tuck, Ellis Hobbs, Darryl Blackstock, Domonique Foxworth.

Round 4: F

Pick # 103 Antonio Perkins - Savage believed this midget would help out the secondary, and boost our return game. He went ahead and played in one game in 2005. In 2008, it wasn't Cleveland that realized he couldn't play professionally, it was instead the CFL's Toronto Argonauts.

What could have been: Marion Barber, Jerome Mathis, Brandon Jacobs, Kerry Rhodes, and Darren Sproles

Round 5 - D-

Pick # 139 - David McMillan - He leads our team in sacks every year in the preseason against the other bums in the NFL. Looks terrible in his uniform, and if you're not actually playing - this is unacceptable. For God's sake learn to accessorize.

What could have been :Trent Cole, Dan Orlovsky

Round 6 - F

Pick # 176 Nick Speegle - Terrible name, terrible college, terrible player. Not gonna waste my time writing about this fuck.

Pick # 203 Andrew Hoffman - The Terrorizing Defensive tackle from Virginia.

What could have been: Michael Montgomery, Bo Scaife, Chros Kemoeatu.

Round 7 - F

Pick # 217 Jon Dunn - He was dunn with the Browns after this year.

What could have been: Jeremiah Ratliff, Matt Cassel, Ryan Fitzpatrick

Undrafted, - Savage did snag our Pro Bowler return man and ugliest player on the team Joshua Cribbs. We also snagged Lance Moore but was cut because we they thought he wasn’t good enough. Andre Davis, Dennis Northcut, Antonio Bryant, and Braylon Edwards were our WR’s that year.

2006 Draft

Round one - D+

Pick # 13 - Kamerion Wimbley - We traded down with Baltimore because they wanted Haloti Ngata, and we wanted this tweener from Florida State. The Browns had their chance to nab a Samoan, which every successful NFL organization has, but decided to go with Wimbley who still hasn’t learned how to do anything other than a speed rush. It must be tough to gameplan for a guy with one move and OK speed.

What could have been : Brodrick Bunkley, Tye Hill, Antonio Cromartie, Laurence Maroney, Davin Joseph, Santonio Holmes, DeAngelo Williams, Nick Mangold, Joseph Addai, and Mathias Kiwanuka. Thanks Phil!!!

Round 2 - B-

Pick # 34 D’Qwell Jackson - Don’t have many bad things to say about this pick, has been our best LB for the past couple years. Not hard to accomplish with the fucking losers we have at this position. Love his intensity and shit talking, which are also vital things when we determine which players we like. There were some other studs taken this round but this one doesn’t sting as much.

What could have been: Marcus McNeill, Greg Jennings, Devin Hester, Richard Marshall, Maurice Jones-Drew, Jeremy Trueblood, Taitusi Lutui, and LenDale White.

Round 3 - F

Pick # 78 Travis Wilson - Was a holdout during training camp, and has hardly seen the field other than preseason action. He made one of the best preseason catches of all time against the Lions but wasn’t enough to let this piece of shit play. He was released this season.

What could have been: Jerious Norwood, Maurice Stovall,

Round 4 - F

Pick # 110 Leon Williams - Usually cant go wrong with drafting players from the U, however the browns managed to snag a career special teams linebacker. He rocks a visor but isn’t enough to warrant this stiff.

Pick # 113 Isaac Sowells - This fatass was awful at Indiana but Savage decided to go against the grain and snag Sowells who would have a hard time blocking Lucas rushing off the edge.

What could have been: Brandon Marshall, Leon Washington, Stephan Gostkowski, Elvis Dumervil, Rob Sims, Willie Colon

Round 4 - C-

Pick # 145 Jerome Harrison - Harrison averaged 8 yards per touch last year, but wasn’t given many opportunities. He has shown signs of being a solid backup but needs to change his number and facemask if he wants to get more praise from us.

Pick # 152 DeMario Minter - Gone after one year...terrible.

What could have been: Dawan Landry, Omar Gaither

Round 6 - D

Pick # 180 Lawrence Vickers - Is a solid fullback that can also handle the rock. Like D’Qwell, he loves to talk shit and has shown decent celebrations after his 2 yard runs, and 3 yard grass routes.

Pick # 181 Babatunde Oshinowo - was put on the practice squad then cut.

What could have been: Antoine Bethea, Mike Hass, and Sam Koch.

Round 7 - F

Pick # 222 Justin Hamilton - Cut from team after the season.

What could have been - Marques Colston, and Cortland Finnegan

2007 NFL Draft

Round 1 - A

Pick # 3 Joe Thomas - I wanted Adrian Peterson but this was the safe pick and just what the Browns needed. Thomas is one of the best tackles in the NFL and will be for years to come. He loves his chewing tobacco and so do we... just another reason we love Joe Thomas.

Pick # 22 Brady Quinn - Its hard to look at Brady and not smile. His football smarts and boyish good looks has Cursed Cleveland excited for next year. He is built like a Greek God and I had to question my own sexuality seeing him at the combine with his shirt off. Brady edged out Braylon and Kellen for the best looking player on a recent writers pole. Savage gave up a lot in order to get Quinn and unfortunately we're still uncertain if he will the QB of the future.

Notables taken after Quinn - Jon Beason, Joe Staley, Ben Grubbs, and Anthony Gonzalez.

Round 2 - C

Pick # 53 Eric Wright - Savage gave up some picks to move back into the second to draft Wright. Easy E received some bad reviews by commentators from his off the field troubles at USC. I cannot be mad at someone for having over 500 date rape pills found in his dorm room. Who hasn’t thought about dropping a couple of pills to ensure a piece of ass that's way out of your league? It was never proven that he used them on anyone but im sure he helped a few losers in the USC band to get laid. He hasn’t shown that he is a lock down corner by any means but played very well last year.

Notables taken after Wright in round 2 until our next pick in round 5 - Ryan Kalil, Trent Edwards, Le’Ron McClain, and Clint Session

Round 5 - D+

Pick # 140 Brandon McDonald - I never heard of McDonald before we drafted him but this guy was a decent pick late in the draft. He was benched after missing a tackles and getting burnt in the middle of the season. His inconsistant play is a concern, but he does show signs that he can make big plays at times.

What could have been: Steve Breaston, Kevin Boss, and Nick Folk

Round 6 - F

Pick # 200 Melia Purcell - This was clearly an attempt by Savage to jump on the Somoan bandwagon a few years too late. We still need one but struck out with this bum. We should have seen if Big Manu Manu the Slender from unnecessary roughness was available.

What could have been: Mason Crosby, and Doug Datish

Round 7 - F

Pick # 213 Chase Pittman - Was a General Studies Major from LSU, and is terrible football player. He was waived in August of 2008.

What could have been:Tyler Thigpen, Ahmad Bradshaw. Brandon Siler.

Undrafted - Pierre Thomas, Melvin Bulitt, and Selvin Young

2008 NFL Draft

Round 1 - 3 No pick because of the Brady Quinn/Corey Williams/Shaun Rogers moves.

- When Rogers is on the field he dominates, and is by far our best defensive player. Although that’s like saying he is the charasmatic Autistic child in his class. Corey Williams wasn’t worth a 6th round pick they way he played last year. As coach Bud Kilmer would say, “Your fat, dumb, too slow, and your fucking up my universe.”

Round 4 - D-

Pick # 104 Beau Bell - Had a solid year on special teams after his injury racking up one solo tackle. If he couldn’t beat out our LB’s when he returned we shouldn't expect much in the future.

Pick # 111 Martin Rucker - Was injured early and didn’t show us much after his return.

What could have been: Tashard Choice, Tim Hightower

Round 6 - F

Pick # 191 Paul Hubbard - Made a great one handed catch in the preseason followed by an amazing dance. We haven’t seen Hubbard since.

Nobody worth mentioning.

Round 7 - F

Pick # 231 - Alex Hall - Wasn’t able to beat out Willie McGinnest….I’m finished with this guy.


So there you have it. Four drafts and grades so bad that they'd even get you kicked out of Kent State University. Nobody can deny that the talent level has been upgraded during the Savage regime. Problem is, a team with supposed playoff aspirations finished 4-12, and set records for offensive futility. So what's the legacy of the Savage era? Is it a guy that took more scouting trips than Tom Lemming? Or is it the guy that sends emails to Browns fans with all the maturity of a blog item?
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Another Mediocre Steelers Team Super Bowl Bound

CLEVELAND, OH - Don’t look now football fans, but the overrated, extremely mediocre Pittsburgh Steelers are headed to their 2nd Super Bowl in 4 years. This story is about as captivating as a Friday night in downtown Willoughby, OH. For those of you who don’t know, those evenings usually entail several males, without a female in sight, sitting around watching extremely feminine shows/movies, all while periodically checking Facebook for young girl profile updates.

Just when I thought there never would be a more average team to make a Super Bowl than that 2005 Steelers squad, those same cats in the Black and Gold prove me wrong in ‘09. Can a playoff road be any easier than there’s has been this year? They had to beat the 8-8 Chargers, with no LT, who shouldn’t have even been in the Playoffs to begin with, and then the Joe Flacco led Baltimore Ravens. I’m not sure who would score more in a game, that Ravens offense or one which consisted of Pat Tillman at halfback, Sean Taylor at wide out, Korey Stringer anchoring the O-Line and Hunter Kelly leading the way at QB.

It’s not hard to make the Super Bowl when you play in a terrible division and have an absolute cakewalk to the championship. I don’t know what will be more annoying when watching this Super Bowl, the endless Mike Tomlin/Omar Epps retarded comparisons or Big Ben playing terrible for 3 qtrs and then leading one good drive for a TD and the subsequent cock-blowing that will follow. Has there ever been a more overrated QB than this guy? The fact that anyone can compare him to the Tom Brady’s and Peyton Manning’s of the world is just mind-boggling. What’s also mind-boggling is that I’m writing this article with minimized on my computer just salivating at the thought of their new Monday movie updates.

Anyway, the blame shouldn’t be all on the Steelers for ruining yet another NFL season but also on the rigged NFL and its officials. First, they make a phantom “running into the kicker” call which should have been renamed a, “not touching the kicker or doing anything illegal” call, which conveniently led to a TD. Then there’s a BLATANT helmet to helmet hit, which almost paralyzes Willis McGahee, and all of a sudden the refs have a harder time locating their flags than Ben Roethlisberger does locating his sack on a daily basis. It’s really very simple, whoever the NFL wants in the Super Bowl they get which is why this league is so stupid and why terribly mediocre teams go to multiple Super Bowls.

Look, the only reason to even watch this thing is to watch the best receiver in the game (Larry Fitzgerald) dominate and to root for a solid, good guy in Kurt Warner. There’s no doubt I will be rooting hard for the Cardinals to win not only because I hate the Steelers but also because if they win maybe Ken Whisenhunt can get a raise and do something about his disgustingly brown top front teeth. I don’t know what’s more painful, getting denied by a 17 yr old at the Beach Club or watching this dude smile?

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Look Alike Alert!

Cleveland, OH - Pictured above you will find two distinguished gentlemen. One is the future Cleveland Browns GM, and the other is best known for his work as Kevin Arnold's father in the hit show "The Wonder Years." Both rock the classic "Side-Part" hair style, made famous by me in middle school thanks to some bad parenting. Let's hope that Kokonis can help to instill some discipline into this team of tackle-missing asshats the way that Mr. Arnold did in raising two upstanding children in Kevin & Wayne....Butthead! Continue Entry»

Tony Grossi's No Jay Glazer

BEREA - Apparently the Plain Dealer Browns beat reporter Tony Grossi isn't just in the business of routinely finishing second or third to Jay Glazer and Chris Mortensen on vital organizational stories out of Berea. Now he's just flat-out jumping the gun and making things up.

"The Browns apparently are in no hurry to name George Kokinis as their next general manager. A source close to their search said that as of this afternoon the club had no announcements planned for Monday. In fact, a second interview between the Baltimore Ravens pro personnel director and Browns owner Randy Lerner may not occur until later in the week."

In the news business, it's called a retraction. It's a pretty serious mis-step by Grossi, who lately has been missing the mark. We're starting to question if his main source in Berea was Dennis Northcutt. Seriously, find us a story he's scooped anyone on since Northcutt has left town, we dare you! He's really turning into the last guy to know things - his family won't even tell him where the reunion is in two months (Expect Glazer to have it tomorrow).

Perhaps he's spending a little too much time on his neverending crusade to keep Art Modell out of the Hall of Fame. Even IƱigo Montoya thinks you're a little obsessed at this point. In all fairness, we haven't heard Grossi's side of the story yet. But we will all get to hear it on tomorrow's podcast, as he joins me live!! Just make sure to let him know. Or tell Glazer to write about it, then it'll get to him eventually.
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Let the George Kokinis era begin, as Tony Grossie throws all sorts of caution to the wind and puts his career on the he has a great hairline with this report. It's tough for us to have a definitive point of view on a GM hire considering the entire profession has been reduced to a crap shoot. Supposedly this guy can scout and the Browns simply couldn't pass up a chance to land another Ravens scouting afficionado , or a Belichick disciple, or a first time offensive coordinator.

Three months ago, he was fighting for a title at Madison Square Garden. Next month, he'll be fighting at an auditorium in Youngstown. So much for the great really, really white hype. Pavlik looks to come back strong.

The former best player in the league plays against the best player in the league tonight. Feel free to decide which is which. Kobe and LeBron won't acknowledge rivalry.

Browns looking at Fox Sports Radio's (and former finger waver) Bryan Cox as a defensive line coach. If the same vein, can we please get a team to interview Mike Golic, as long as it gets him off the air? Browns interview Cox.

Is this kid stil living off the Etch a Sketch? How about adapting to some new technology. I mastered Tetris when I was know what I did next? I moved on (No I didn't. I can start at level 9 and get to roughly 197 lines, send in your screen caps and donkey kong kill screens). Etch a Sketch kid does Obama

So this is why Waiting for Next Year is sending out "tweets" to nobody in particular. Although they understood their readers' urgings: When it comes to WFNY, less is definitely better.
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Sunday, January 18, 2009

Look-Alike Alert!

As you know, here at we're committed to bringing you nothing but useless information. Continuing with that platform, we're excited to introduce a new column that has nothing to do with analysis, stats, or humor. Instead, we'll go ahead and find athletes who look like other celebrities and show them to you...and if you're lucky we'll include a couple of witty lines. Pictured above are Cavaliers guard Sasha Pavlovic, and Prison Break star Wentworth Miller. These guys have the same facial structure, same haircut, and the same defensive abilities. They also have two of the absolute worst male names I've ever heard. Continue Entry»

Sunday Ramblings

CLEVELAND, OH - I can't even explain how happy I am to see Donovan McNabb out of the playoffs again, and one can't help but wonder if this game would have gone a different way had he not borrowed Derek Anderson's touch on every short pass he threw today. For a Browns fan, this time of year is usually very difficult. You're not sure whether or not to even watch football and if you do, the games are usually disappointing. Typically, Sundays in January are spent hungover, reading disgustingly uneducated articles by the likes of Terry Pluto (or watching videos of high school girls on facebook....or both). This Sunday, I watched an inspired Cardinals team with hands down the best receiver on the planet knock out my second most hated team in the NFL.

It kills me to hear analysts talk about how good Brian Westbrook is. The guy has been useless this postseason, just as he would be in any other system besides the West Coast offense that allows you to win games with Arena League receivers like Hank Baskett. Am I the only one who's happy to see Kurt Warner headed back to the Super Bowl? Typically, is not much for praising players, but this is just a genuinely good guy who deserves all of the success he gets. He's smart, handsome, and if you're going through one of those self-checkout lines at the grocery store what better guy to have with you?
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Weekend Newzin'

Is Waiting for Next year the Chick-Fil-A of the Cleveland blogosphere? Much like I want their crispy chicken combo on Sundays, Clevelanders want your listlessly regurgitated sports takes on the weekend. We're over here working in the trenches, and you guys are hanging out at Club Med. Ohh WFNY, we kid, we kid.

Some much needed Mike Brown love (Didn't know the Beacon Journal still was a functioning paper). Credit due to Cavaliers' coach.

Bob Hunter's about two-years too late to the bash coordinators club. Tressel sees need for tweaking.

Thad Matta, Jim Tressel and is a combined 15-2 combined against Michigan. OSU regains early-season attitude.

Dan Henderson has been involved in more judge's decisions than Antonin Scalia. Two UFC announcements: Rampage to fight Jardine in Columbus and Liddell vs. Shogun to headline UFC 97 in Montreal.

The Dipatch was disappointed by Lil Wayne. They're obviously racist. Frustrating Concert.

Swerb's blurbs is auditioning for yet another writer. Reminds me of the clip from Naked Gun when all 42 of the announcers are introduced before the baseball game. You need a new writer like Football Night in America needs another on-air panelist. Swerb's Freaking Blurbs.
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