Monday, November 5, 2007

Browns Defense Gets a Stop?



4th and one with the "Season of dreams" hanging in the balance, and our Cleveland Browns defense stiffens like Ryan Shay after a 26-mile stroll? (By the way, I'm now officially kicking myself for not entering the NY Marathon this weekend...no matter how slow I would have run, it's guaranteed I wouldn't have finished in last). Who'd of thunk it that Browns defense would make a play when it counted? Not this guy (Yes, I'm predictably directing the thumbs of both my left and right hands in a manner as if to complete a hilarious, clich├ęd punch line in which the individual who's the object of the self finger-pointing happens to be the same masterful jokester who crafted the setup). So the Browns are 5-3 and Romeo is going NOWHERE, except back to the tailor to get his suits taken out (for the fifth time in as many months! (If you've got a better fat joke, please submit it under our extremely popular comments section).

So people have been calling me about the Brady Quinn situation. I'm here to tell you there is NO Brady Quinn situation. He now sits and waits until Derek Anderson gets injured - end of story. Anyone else noticing the interesting dynamic of Derek Anderson and his receivers? D.A. has about as much in common with K2 & Braylon as Lance Armstrong has with Ashley Olsen. (By the way Lance, you're a little late on this one, don't you think? Olsen hasn't been a sexy in eight years (checking the math...21-8 = 13..) Scratch that...9 years. You've got fatal flaws with K2 (worst NFL blocker since Robert Gallery) and Braylon (dropsies)...yet D.A continues to give them chances to succeed, and somehow they do.

By the way, shut up about the prevent defense. What would all the creative people have used as an adage if it was called the "enable defense?" Legitimately, the BBDB (bend-but-don't-break) defense has kept 95% of losing teams out of the endzone. Problem is, it's the 5% that people remember. Well, I had zero problem with Romeo rushing three at the end of regulation. Did you really trust our DB's who had already given up a career day (literally) to Bobby Engram, to keep from getting burnt? Exactly.


By the way..the movie poster above is "Flowers in the Attack" one of my childhood favorites. It's a dark movie that interweaves abuse, murder and incest all in a 90-minute thrill ride! And by thrill ride, I'm of course referring to some of the worst acting this side of Kristy Swanson (who's ironically in the movie!). Did I mention there are numerous scenes where incest is strategically implied?
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