Monday, November 5, 2007

Browns Defense Gets a Stop?



4th and one with the "Season of dreams" hanging in the balance, and our Cleveland Browns defense stiffens like Ryan Shay after a 26-mile stroll? (By the way, I'm now officially kicking myself for not entering the NY Marathon this weekend...no matter how slow I would have run, it's guaranteed I wouldn't have finished in last). Who'd of thunk it that Browns defense would make a play when it counted? Not this guy (Yes, I'm predictably directing the thumbs of both my left and right hands in a manner as if to complete a hilarious, clich├ęd punch line in which the individual who's the object of the self finger-pointing happens to be the same masterful jokester who crafted the setup). So the Browns are 5-3 and Romeo is going NOWHERE, except back to the tailor to get his suits taken out (for the fifth time in as many months! (If you've got a better fat joke, please submit it under our extremely popular comments section).

So people have been calling me about the Brady Quinn situation. I'm here to tell you there is NO Brady Quinn situation. He now sits and waits until Derek Anderson gets injured - end of story. Anyone else noticing the interesting dynamic of Derek Anderson and his receivers? D.A. has about as much in common with K2 & Braylon as Lance Armstrong has with Ashley Olsen. (By the way Lance, you're a little late on this one, don't you think? Olsen hasn't been a sexy in eight years (checking the math...21-8 = 13..) Scratch that...9 years. You've got fatal flaws with K2 (worst NFL blocker since Robert Gallery) and Braylon (dropsies)...yet D.A continues to give them chances to succeed, and somehow they do.

By the way, shut up about the prevent defense. What would all the creative people have used as an adage if it was called the "enable defense?" Legitimately, the BBDB (bend-but-don't-break) defense has kept 95% of losing teams out of the endzone. Problem is, it's the 5% that people remember. Well, I had zero problem with Romeo rushing three at the end of regulation. Did you really trust our DB's who had already given up a career day (literally) to Bobby Engram, to keep from getting burnt? Exactly.


By the way..the movie poster above is "Flowers in the Attack" one of my childhood favorites. It's a dark movie that interweaves abuse, murder and incest all in a 90-minute thrill ride! And by thrill ride, I'm of course referring to some of the worst acting this side of Kristy Swanson (who's ironically in the movie!). Did I mention there are numerous scenes where incest is strategically implied?

10 comments:

LL Cool J said...

Oh no, don't call it a comeback, you've been here for months.

Vanilla Ice said...

word to ya muther....

Bonecrusher said...

The prevent/enable defense sucks. GO CAVS
Post something about how Boeckman would light up the Browns defense, unless the Browns defense had Malcolm Jenkins playing cornerback.

Anonymous said...

This site reminds me of Evander Holyfield attempting numerous unsuccessful comebacks to become the heavyweight champ, only to be dominated again and again...

Webmaster said...

"This site reminds me of Evander Holyfield attempting numerous unsuccessful comebacks to become the heavyweight champ, only to be dominated again and again"

The most important component of an accurate analogy is, well, accuracy. Professional boxing has a rather lengthy list of boxers who have attempted numerous "comebacks," only to be dominated. You really had a seemingly endless list of candidates at your fingertips to draw the hilarious comparison you were looking for. Unfortunately, you somehow cherry picked someone (Evander Holyfield) who excelled AFTER retirement - thus comdemning your comparison to my own scorn and ridicule.

You see, in 1994 Evander stepped away with a diagnosed heart condition. In 1996, he beat Mike Tyson for the WBA heavyweight title. Notice that the championship came chronlogically after the retirement. That's an important note here, especially considering your complete mishandling of the Holyfield retirement analogy. If my memory serves me correctly, that's the one where you compared our web careers to the career of Evander Holyfield...and brought the whole comeback comparison into play.

I'm not even going to insult your intelligence by stating that he went on to win the IBF belt in 98, or that he came out of retirement to win a vacated WBA belt in 2000, or that he actually retired twice more, only to come back and win the vacated USBA Heavyweight belt in 2006 (just a year ago!)

A Real Cleveland Blogspot said...

You're right I shouldn't have given this site as much credit as to compare it to Evander. Let me guess, your next article will be filtered with sexual innuendos towards 13 yr old girls and will make fun of every person who has died in the past week in the sports world. Or wait let me guess, it will have references to when you were in High School. Man that shit is FUNNY!!! Just give it up, here's an analogy that may work better for you, I dont know you tell me: This site reminds me of Lindsay Lohan on a weekend night..... getting ass pounded.

Webmaster said...

Hey "real cleveland blogspot" - please point us all in the direction of your blog. I legitmately would love to see what's it's all about.

And by the way, we've almost gone out of our way to drive our 200 or so daily readers (which we were getting in our second month of running this site) away. Yet somehow, despite posting about 5 times in the last 6 months, you're still there within minutes to respond). You must really, really hate our stuff. You know how I react to sitcoms or programs or websites I absolutely think are choc full of hack? I never pay attention to it again.

You have an odd way of showing how much you hate something. I look forward to seeing your next comment under my next post - which will randomly show up unannounced!

Webmaster said...

And by the way, I literally just checked our page hits and IP addresses. You literally spent 20 minutes on our site and clicked on 6 different pages.

Like I said, you sure have a funny way of showing how much you hate our site. Hey remember the show Grace Under Fire? I watched it once and never again. And during their third season, I didn't watch a random episode and write the producers to tell them how much I hated their show, and then roll off the EXACT plot line of the show

(Yet you seem to know about us pretty well).


Now THAT'S a damn good analogy! Not like your awful Evander Holyfield one.

A Real Cleveland Blogspot said...

You guys are like ugly chicks who don't know that they're ugly. Eventually, someone has to tell them, "hey you're ugly!". I'm that person here for you guys.

SolonJay said...

You guys just pwned your hater! PWNED!!!

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