I think the old saying goes something like, "Mock Drafts are like assholes, everyone has one." Not to be outdone by the thousands of blogs more successful than ours, we've had our NFL draft beat reporter Jeremy Garver slaving on his own version of the
CursedCleveland.com inaugural mock draft. Bash away.
1. Oakland Raiders - QB
JaMarcus Russell (LSU) : I think Al Davis still has one more awful pick left in him before he dies (hasn't he been 90 the past 15 years?). Here, he is going to go with one of the most over-hyped QB's in recent history. You know you are about to draft a bust when they start talking about how the guy can throw 50 yds sitting down (Check
Kyle Boller). You have to wonder how he would do against the speed of an NFL defense (Check his game against
Florida). Good news for Browns fans though, apparently Phil Savage is hot after Marques Tuiasosopo and the drafting of Russell could mean we could snag the 3rd-stringer away from the worst team in the NFL.
2. Detroit Lions - QB
Brady Quinn (Notre Dame) : No way should he go this high but he will probably do extremely well at his workouts and could possibly fool a top-notch GM like Matt Millen into taking him. I'm sure his failure to play well in the big games in college will translate well into the NFL (What week do the Lions play Air Force?). A lot of experts have Joe Thomas going here but I highly doubt it since the Lions just signed Jeff Backus to a 6-year deal worth over $40 million last year, making him the 6th highest paid lineman in the NFL. Even though Kitna threw for over 4000 yards this year (Ken Dorsey could go for 4000 in a Mike Martz offense) he isn't getting any younger and Quinn could sit behind him like Carson Palmer did with Kitna in Cincinatti. (Note: In no way shape or form do I think Quinn has anywhere near the ability that Palmer did)
3. Cleveland Browns - RB
Adrian Peterson (Oklahoma) : Perhaps you haven't seen the guy play? If that is the case, I would encourage you to check out
BSmith's videolink of AP on our site before you read this. Does he have an injury history? Yes. But please don't tell me to draft Joe Thomas because Adrian Peterson is injury prone. Joe Thomas just came off of an ACL tear during his Junior year (that is a great injury for an o-lineman). Want to know what Reuben Droughns longest rush of the year was? It was 22 yards. I hate to go cliche on you here but I'm not about to pass up on another Ladanian Tomlinson.
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - WR
Calvin Johnson (Georgia Tech) : I think this is really the only no-brainer this year in the top five of the draft. Galloway isn't getting any younger and they have no depth at receiver. Calvin Johnson is hands down the most talented player in the draft. Tampa Bay is a perfect match, they have a plethora of horrible QB's (Simms, Gradkowski and Ratay) that will force him to make ridiculous catches over the middle and waste his talent like Reggie Ball did at Georgia Tech.
5. Arizona Cardinals - OT
Joe Thomas (Wisconsin) : Although they have needs on defense, the primary goal should be protecting their franchise quarterback and future "Mancrush of the Week" nominee. I don't buy into the Joe Thomas hype, nor do I really watch offensive lineman throughout the college football season. Actually, anyone who follows an offensive lineman's career is generally either: A. Lying ;B. A complete loser; or C. A complete loser who played O-line in high school.
6. Washington Redskins - DE
Jamaal Anderson (Arkansas)
: The Redskins defense struggled to make plays last year (trust me, I wisely drafted them for my fantasy team). Andre Carter led the team in sacks with 6.0 and the team had 19.0 sacks total. That is miserable. Coming off a surprising Junior year with 13.5 sacks, Jamaal Anderson should help out immediately.
7. Minnesota Vikings - WR
Dwayne Jarrett (USC) : The days of Randy Moss and Chris Carter are long gone and a new era of Troy Williamson and Travis Taylor has been ushered in to the tune of about a combined 1100 yards between the two. Dwayne Jarrett may not be a burner but he is solid and was productive from day one in college. I think people need to stop worrying that Jarrett is Mike Williams reincarnated.
8. Houston Texans - OT
Levi Brown (Penn State) : God it sucks to be a Houston fan (and I'm a Browns fan so that should be very insulting). Another year of not getting the player you want. After the Browns snatch Adrian Peterson up, the Texans best bet will be improving the NFL's worst offensive line. Carr was sacked 41 times this year and 249 in his career. Personally, I think Levi Brown is better than Joe Thomas even though I have not watched either one of them play a down.
9. Miami Dolphins - DT
Alan Branch (Michigan) : Doesn't it seem like every year there is a defensive tackle that everyone says is unlike any they have seen in years? Well last year it was Haloti Ngata and this year it is Alan Branch. Between Vonnie Holliday, Dan Wilkinson and Keith Traylor the Dolphins could use a little youth in the middle. Branch can play from day one and plug his fat 331-pound body in the middle.
10. Atlanta Falcons - DE
Gaines Adams (Clemson) : Atlanta's defensive line is in big need of help. Grady Jackson is 34, their best pass-rusher Patrick Kerney opted to not resign and Jonathan Babineaux is fresh off beating his girlfriend's pitbull to death. Gaines Adams will be a steal here. He has been productive throughout his college career and will be an instant presence coming off of the edge.
....and the rest of them
11. San Fransisco 49ers - S
Laron Landry (LSU) : Might not be Ronnie Lott, but they need playmakers on the defense and he is an animal.
12. Buffalo Bills - DT
Amobi Okoye (Louisville) : A prodigy, played at Louisville as a 16-year old Freshman. Blew away everyone at the Senior Bowl.
13. St. Louis Rams - OLB
Lawrence Timmons (Florida State) : He was overshadowed by Buster Davis most of the year and this is probably a little bit of a reach but sometimes you have to reach when your outside linebackers are currently Brandon Chillar and Pisa Tinoisamoa.
14. Carolina Panthers - S
Reggie Nelson (Florida) : John Fox probably would have liked a hard-hitter like Landry but they will settle for Nelson who isn't too shabby himself.
15. Pittsburgh Steelers - CB
Darrelle Revis (Pittsburgh) : I think every Browns fan got a good laugh when the Steelers threw a bunch of money at Ike Taylor (he is pitiful). They're going to go hometown here and this guy is good, real good. How do I know this? Most the mock drafts that I have ripped off today say that, (I have never seen him play).
16. Green Bay Packers - RB
Marshawn Lynch (California) : His recent arrest might allow him to slip a few spots to Green Bay. It appears Ahman Green is on his way out (and I can't remember the last time he was good anyways) so this will be a perfect fit.
Editor's note: It has since come to our attention that Lynch was never arrested, only accused. The district attorney declined to press charges. Thanks to a reader for catching the mistake. There are 42 other errors in this mock draft, let's see if you can find the rest!17. Jacksonville Jaguars - WR
Robert Meachem (Tennessee) : Some people will have Ted Ginn ahead of him but Meachem is a little more polished. He is also 6'3" and about 210. His stock will probably skyrocket after the combine (when this fails to happen you can come back and rip my mock for having him this high).
18. Cincinatti Bengals - OLB/DE
Quentin Moses (Georgia) : I don't know what the time table is for recovery after a broken neck, but I think David Pollack is out for awhile. They will go with another Bulldog here and see if he can make the switch as a 3-4 rush linebacker.
19. Tennessee Titans - CB
Leon Hall (Michigan) : I guess I will rip off some of the mocks I've been reading and go with the same joke I've seen on every one. "As long as he doesn't have to cover Ted Ginn or Dwayne Jarrett then he will be fine". Pacman is their only good corner and he is always one club fight away from a 4-game suspension.
20. New York Giants - OLB
Jon Beason (Miami) : Not quite sure who Reggie Torbor but my best guess is that will be the guy Beason replaces.
21. Denver Broncos - DE
Charles Johnson (Georgia) : Looks like the old Brown's D-Line wasn't as good as it was hyped up to be. Charles Johnson will give them a good pass-rusher opposite Ebeneezer Ekuban.
22. Dallas Cowboys - WR
Ted Ginn (Ohio State) : There probably are bigger areas of need for them but they are getting old and have no depth at receiver. Ginn is not polished but would do fine in the slot and would instantly turn around their mediocre return game as long as Roy Hall stays away from him.
23. Kansas City Chiefs - WR Dwayne Bowe (LSU) : I can't think of a team that has settled with crappier receivers year in year out. Samie Parker and Eddie Kennison's total jersey sales combined last year were five, four of which were sold on the clearance rack at Marshalls. Dwayne Bowe could be a star. He was somewhat of a late-bloomer but that happens when you are partially blind sometimes. His eyes are fixed now and he can see the ball (this could be one of the steals of the draft).
24. New England Patriots - OLB Paul Posluszny (Penn State) : He's an old school Bill Belichick type linebacker and if he gets a concussion he is not going to rat on Bill like Ted Johnson did. Shame on you Ted, your motor skills are not important to any of us anymore because you no longer play football.
25. New York Jets - CB
Aaron Ross (Texas) : Best available corner and a pretty good value if he falls this far.
26. Philadelphia Eagles - OLB
Rufus Alexander (Oklahoma) : I love Trotter and so does Philly but he is not good anymore. But the Eagles will give him one more year b/c everybody loves the "Wood Chop" celebration. Rufus is a tough Philly-type guy. Dhani Jones........Is not.
27. New Orleans Saints - MLB
Patrick Willis (Mississippi) : All white linebacking units haven't worked since the 1970's, and they certainly didn't work in the playoffs against Chicago. Patrick Willis is probably the best linebacker in the draft and I will be surprised if he slips this far but ILB's always do.
28. New England Patriots - WR
Sidney Rice (South Carolina) : The Patriots were about a catch or two away from advancing in the playoffs but the Colts hit wide reciever Reche Caldwell with the dreaded Zero coverage scheme where they leave you wide open and see if you can catch the ball. Reche Caldwell didn't......and he should probably kill himself. Rice catches just about everything thrown his way.
29. Baltimore Ravens - OT
Justin Blaylock (Texas) : He is massive and the Raven's O-line is getting old. Could probably play either guard spot or right tackle.
30. San Diego Chargers - S
Michael Griffin (Texas) : Definitely need help at receiver but most the good ones are gone by now. Not many weak spots on this team but god did their secondary suck in the playoffs.
31. Chicago Bears - OT
Joe Staley (Central Michigan) : Fred Miller is getting old and they need guys to give Rex Grossman time so he can throw more interceptions instead of fumbling in the pocket.
32. Indianapolis Colts - DT
Justin Harrell (Tennessee) : The Colts defense fooled everyone by saving up energy during the regular season and then showing up in the playoffs. If your defense makes Ron Dayne look like Walter Payton, then you probably need to beef up the middle. Harrell would have been higher but he is coming off of an injury.
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