Saturday, February 17, 2007

Newble Left Out, Again

After searching far and wide on the blogosphere to find a definitive listing of the worst players in the NBA, we've uncovered a gem (technically, we found the link on Deadspin). Some of you might be appalled that Ira Newble was slighted, arguably the most glaring of omissions. Was it because the author had a soft spot in his heart for the former Redhawk's defensive abilities? No, actually, it's because he named the entire team of bums in his (dis)honor That kinda makes Newble the Paul Brown of made-up internet basketball teams. Continue Entry»

Friday, February 16, 2007

That's All Foulke(s)

WINTERHAVEN, FL - Critics who say the Indians are signing guys at the tail end of their career couldn't be further from the truth. Technically they're signing guys who ARE literally at the end of their career. ESPN is reporting that Keith Foulke's season is over before it even started. The 34-year-old reliever had passed a club physical back in January, leading us to wonder if the Indians can even afford a legitimate physician given the "fiscal realities" of the medical marketplace. Fear not Tribe fans, we do have Joe Borowski waiting in the wings. Although, I must point out that as opposed to Foulke, he actually FAILED A PHYSICAL Continue Entry»

The Perfect Scottie Pippen to LeBron's Michael Jordan

Ricky Davis, Lucious Harris, Jiri Welsch and Larry Hughes have all attempted to assume the mantle of the ultimate sidekick for LeBron. It now appears that Scottie Pippen, might actually be the Scottie Pippen to LeBron's Michael Jordan. Continue Entry»

Cavaliers Turning It Around?

LOS ANGELES, CA - Let's give the Cavaliers credit where some credit is due. Two weeks ago it looked as if this team was heading in the wrong direction, beelining towards the middle of the pack in the Eastern Conference with their star looking about as lively as Anna Nicole Smith's week-old cadaver. Two weeks later the Cavaliers have captured some momentum, winning four of their last five - three of which on national television (our only reprieve from the cacophonous calls of Fred McLeod).

Last night it was old-school LeBron - as in, LBJ from from 05-06. He attacked the basket on almost every possession, scoring 38 points on only one made jump shot, which is precisely what Cavalier fans want to see. Although, let the record show I NEVER want to see another basketball game with 97 free throw attempts, NEVER. If I wanted to see that much starting and stopping, I'd watch a nine-inning baseball game.

And how about Eric Snow, the "Antichrist." The guy who can do no right in eyes of Clevelanders, went 13, 5 and 8 last night while defending Kobe as well as anyone humanely can. I don't hear anyone talking about waiving the Canton Bulldog this morning... Continue Entry»

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Juiced: Fast Times, Fast Cars and Oxygenates in the Fuel Tank

Photo courtesy of

Daytona Beach- According to, Nascar has entered the age of juicing. Obviously we are not talking about the athletes themselves juicing (actually they are not athletes but we can debate that some other time), but they are actually juicing their cars. Michael Waltrip was back on the track three days after his crew chief and competition director were suspended indefinitely after an unspecified substance was found in his engine.

"I said yesterday I want to go home and they said, 'You've got to stay and race. That's what you do," Waltrip said. Waltrip was referring to his wife, manufacturer, sponsor and NASCAR president Mike Helton's urging for him to continue with the race. I personally have a little integrity and have pledged I will no longer be buying NAPA power steering fluid, transaxle bearings, CV driveshafts or U-joints even though that stuff makes my 4-cylinder Honda Civic purr like a kitten.

Waltrip went on further to explain his embarassment:

"I'm probably the most depressing guy you'll ever see make the Daytona 500," said Waltrip. Waltrip recalled his 9-year old daughter asking his wife on Monday night "why daddy cheated?" He then told reporters they could ask any questions they want because "you can't hurt me any worse than I am right now."

You have to feel for the guy when his kids get involved and I'm sure being a NASCAR father isn't easy so I have to give him credit. It has to be tough to explain to your little girl why all daddy's fans smell like piss, vinegar and old socks. And I know there is nothing more thrilling for a 9-year old girl than going to the track and watching her father have about a 10%-15% chance of dying in a ball of flames. I'm sure a charred racing suit would earn her street cred on "Show and Tell Fridays" though.
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Not a Fan of the Killer Cross-Dresser

MIAMI, FL - Apparently John Amaechi's coming out party won't make a stop at Tim Hardaway's house any time soon. You see, Tim's not a huge fan of gay people. He's not exactly mincing words here.

"You know, I hate gay people, so I let it be known," Hardaway said. "I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I am homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world or in the United States. And second of all, if he was on my team, I would, you know, really distance myself from him because, uh, I don't think that's right. And you know I don't think he should be in the locker room while we're in the locker room. I wouldn't even be a part of that"

We're not exactly sure if this is what Amaechi had in mind a week ago when he became the first 6'10'' British-born NBA player to admit his gay sexual orientation. David Stern has already pulled Hardaway from some of the all-star festivities this weekend in Vegas for his callous remarks. Even John Rocker thought Hardaway was being a little too homophobic. Anyone else really excited to see what Barkley says about this tonight on TNT?

Amaechi comes out
"Out"-numbered 6-1 Continue Entry»

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Swatted in Utah

UTAH - The Cavs lost a heartbreaker this evening on the road in Utah to the upstart Jazz 99-98. Instrumental in this loss was Utah's Deron Williams, who scored a career-high 33 points to go along with 12 assists (Why is it that the Cavs, well all Cleveland teams for that matter, give up career-highs or milestones to opposing teams' players?). Another sour note for the Cavs is that Daniel Gibson went down in the game with what is now being referred to as a "Sprained Lebron." For those of you who don't understand humor, Gibson has a sprained toe, and no word on his availability for tomorrow night's game has been spoken yet.
The bright spot this evening was Larry Hughes, who scored 33 points on 10-19 from the floor and looked as if he couldn't miss at times. Hate to keep harping on Lebron (Which seems to be everyones favorite past time these days) but the guy scored 23 points, on 9-25 from the floor and a miserable 5-9 from the line. I can't help but wonder why it appeared as if Lebron was forcing shots tonight when he wasn't feeling it instead of deferring to Hughes who clearly had the hot hand. Let's also discuss him continually getting rejected down the stretch by Andrei Kirilenko (A White pun intended) which really helped the cause (He also played matador defense on a key possession with less than 2 minutes remaining that allowed Kirilenko to get an uncontested layup). Can't help but wonder if the Cavs are going to continue to blow second half leads on the road throughout the rest of this season?
All I keep hearing from these commentators is that Lebron has nobody to pass the ball to, however I couldn't disagree more. This is a very deep Cavs team, full of guys who get inconsistent minutes but show signs of life when given consistent opportunities. Think about it, coming off the bench we have Pavlovic, Varejao, Marshall, Snow, DJones, and David Wesley (That's 11 guys, granted they aren't superstars, but most NBA squads aren't nearly this deep). These aren't no-name players who fill out the rosters of many other NBA teams, it just appears difficult to get the right guys minutes on a steady basis. Well hey, we're only 52 games into the season, we'll figure it out come playoff time....won't we? Tomorrow night the Cavs travel to L.A. to face-off with Kobe and his D-League supporting cast, hopefully the Cavs will be able to sneak out a win before No-Star Weekend begins.
(AP Photo/Douglas C. Pizac)
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Ilgauskas Sidelined

Cleveland- Zydrunas Ilgauskaus will reportedly be sitting out the final two games before the All-Star break due to personal matters. Details have not been provided but it is obvious the Cavs will miss his presence. notes that although Ilgauskas has had a rough season averaging just 11.7 points and 8.2 rebounds per game, his numbers have skyrocketed in the last four games to 12.3 points and 11 rebounds per game. That surge in point production can't go unnoticed. Zydrunas credits the increase in production to coach Mike Brown, "I don't know how the guy does it but he is definitely an offensive genius....He just knows how to run sets and get the guys moving without the ball," Ilgauskas said.

It will definitely be a big test these next two games to see if this team can transform into a more up-tempo game with its lack of athletes (Lebron James, Daniel Gibson, Larry Hughes, Drew Gooden, Sasha Pavlovic, etc). My guess is the Cavs will be OK without their superstar.

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Big Game Brady Headed to Cleveland?

CLEVELAND, OHIO - According to our friends at ESPN's NFL Live, Brady Quinn would be the draft pick that makes the most sense for the Browns this offseason, especially because he's someone the fans can get excited about (Personally, I get more excited about Laura Quinn, and apparently so does A.J. Hawk). These football gurus also provided some insanely useful information about the Browns that we didn't already know like: We can't run the ball or stop the run, Romeo Crennel is on the hot seat, and we might not be set on Qb Charlie Frye (They really did their research to compile these facts). The most interesting thing about the segment on the Brownies was that Mark Schlereth mentioned that Scott Peoli, the GM for New England, could end up in Cleveland if the Browns underachieve because of his Cleveland roots (They also said this would be the only team that Peoli would leave New England for). I guess this means that Phil Savage better go out and make some changes this offseason, including making the right decisions in the draft. ESPN also reported that the Browns are high on JaMarcus Russell because he has worked Savage's QB camps over the last couple of years, clearly a big deciding factor in drafting a franchise quarterback.
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Agent Zero Rips LeBron

"LeBron Bashing;" it seems to be a growing trend in the local media (See Branson Wright, Brian Windhorst,, Now other star players are getting into the act, such as Hibachi himself.

"The guy LeBron needs is Sam Cassell," says Arenas, "He needs someone who wants to take the big shots at the end of the game." I interject that LeBron would never stand for that -- it would kill his ego. "LeBron would much rather have Cassell take the final shot," says Arenas. "People don't realize that LeBron doesn't want it." - DCS ports Blog

Wow, Sam-I-Am getting more fanfare than LeBron. Perhaps the "King" will be launching his own revenge tour. Only instead of scoring 50 on an opponent, he'll try to make at least 50% from the foul line. Continue Entry»

Bench Player with an Awesome Website

WORLD WIDE WEB - Jalen Rose has an incredible website that really provides a unique window into one of the more media savvy NBA players. They should probably enhance the "Off the Court," section, considering he's only logging nine minutes a game for the Suns (the Cavs message board was foaming at the mouth at the chance to get him earlier in the year). The site also features a Martin Luther King videos and tributes (many) to the "Fab Five." You might remember that the talent group of freshman changed the game of basketball - and if you didn't, Jalen's site will make sure to remind you at every mouse click. We get it Jalen. You wore black socks and talked trash while not winning national championships. Congratulations. Continue Entry»

No -Star Weekend?

LAS VEGAS, NV - So when did the usually glamorous NBA All-Star game morph itself into the NFL Pro Bowl? Guys are pulling out faster than...wait a second, can't go with an NBA sex joke because as everyone knows, NBA players don't believe in pulling out EVER. We go from Steve Nash, AI, Kidd, Yao and Boozer to Mehmet Okur, Chucky Atkins, Bo Outlaw, Rasual Butler and Melvin Ely (Boozer does know the game's not in Cleveland right?). The "Surreal Life Season 3" had more stars. Incidentally, the cast for season 7 will include Phil Helmuth, Miss Cleo, Macho Man and Carrot Top, among others. So it begs the question: Who wins in a Texas Hold'em battle between Helmuth, Cleo and Carrot Top? One would think Miss Cleo could summon her phony psychic powers, while an argument could be made that Carrot Top could develop some kind of zany device that would be short on humor, yet useful for poker cheating. Continue Entry»

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

"I'm Still Fat...So I'll Sue the Doctors!"

FAT CAMP - According to this story, Notre Dame's portly, overrated coach is suing for malpractice after complications with a gastric bypass surgery that he had in June of '02. The man that is the proud owner of the most pronounced "FUPA" in sports slipped into a coma that threatened his life for nearly two weeks (Thankfully he lived, and now we don't have to worry about Notre Dame ever winning a game that they're not supposed to win as long as he is holding the reigns). Weis and his attorney are contending that he still suffers leg injuries today as a result of the internal bleeding that took place, and are seeking restitution for this matter (Personally, I think his legs are simply struggling to hold up the rest of his body). An attorney for the doctors in this case was quoted as saying "There was no malpractice...This man is simply fat, and no surgery is going to resurrect the years of saturated fat punishment that his body has taken. Perhaps he should try eating less, working out and putting together better defensive gameplans."
Photo By Bob Rosato/SI
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And You Thought We Were Negative

PD Beat Writer Paul Hoynes has an open invitation to write for our site anytime; we clearly need more Tribe coverage to begin with. This morning he released his AL central predictions, with the Tribe coming in fourth! Apparently he's not into the whole "outfield platoon" thing as we are. He does know we added Josh Barfield right? Continue Entry»

Monday, February 12, 2007

Oh Sasha!

CLEVELAND, OHIO - We here at would like to take this time out to thank Sasha Pavlovic for finally blossoming into more than just the best white dunker in the NBA (We'd also like to thank him for no longer sporting the awful hair pictured above). As of late, Pavlovic's increasing minutes have resulted in increased results, and most importantly: Wins for the Cavaliers. A lot of Cavs fans are surprised with his emergence, but not Lebron James:
"I feel like a prophet," James said. "I've been harping on Sasha for three years now. People were looking at me like I'm crazy and I've always said if Sasha gets the opportunity, he's going to be very good. We go against each other every day in practice and I know what type of player he is, and he's showing it."
Apparently Sasha has benefited from scoring on Lebron James in practice (And why not?...Everyone else does). I wonder if Lebron would have predicted that it would be Pavlovic who would lead the Cavs down the stretch of the Lakers game while he took the second half off? Let's hope that the native of Serbia can continue his solid play, he could end up being an integral part of this team come playoff time (Since it doesn't appear that we are going to do anything to improve the team before the trade deadline). Another benefit of Sasha playing well is that we're more likely to hear postgame interviews with him, where his eloquence and mastery of the English language are always on center stage.
photo courtesy of
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Schott Through the Heart

San Diego- After another season of falling short of the Super Bowl, San Diego Chargers team president Dean Spanos has decided to relieve Marty Schottenheimer of his coaching duties due to what he terms a "dysfunctional situation". Chris Mortensen of ESPN first reported the story on Monday night citing that a big reason for the firing had to do with GM A.J. Smith and Schottenheimer's relationship. The bad relationship between the two is in large part due to the fact that Schottenheimer was angry that Drew Brees was let go. This is in large part speculation, but I recall hearing something about this last year (we here at do little to no research for our articles).

Spanos also cited the loss of numerous assistants as a reason for the move. Both the offensive and the defensive coordinators left town and tight ends coach Rob Chudzinski, as well as linebackers coach Greg Manusky accepted jobs as offensive and defensive coordinator respectively for other teams. Clearly though, the loss of Rob Chudzinski will be the hardest pill to swallow.

Now in Cleveland we are all familiar with "Martyball" but the guy has had a bad break here and there. His style was obviously overly conservative at times and lets not forget the time he told Ernest Byner to fumble the ball at the goalline in the 1987 AFC Championship game. Incidentally, if you google the word "fumble" you get the Byner fumble listed at number 2 (true story). One could claim that giving the ball to Ladanian Tomlinson a little more wouldn't have been conservative, it would have just been plain old smart because he is that unstoppable (can't even imagine what he would have been like on Tecmo Bowl).

A little food for thought. Let's say last year's Super Bowl was refereed by impartial officials and the Steelers lost by about 10 (that is a conservative estimate). What would Bill Cowher's legacy be? Would all the Cleveland fans still want Cowher to come out of retirement to coach their team after years of playoff losses? Didn't think so!

Photo courtesy of
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Stephen Jackson Could Never Work in Waste Management

Where I come from, the term "dump" typically applies to the location where my garbage is disposed, or what happens when I get a little too attached to my internet girlfriends. But for Stephen Jackson, the term takes on an entirely new meaning, at least where he comes from. According to the A.P. report
Jackson testified that when he was walking from the club to his car, a man approached him shouting, "dump, dump!'"

"Where I'm from, 'dump' means pull out your gun and shoot," he said.

For the Cavaliers sake, let's hope the next time the Warriors come to Cleveland, there's no talk of Ferry needing to "dump" any salaries. Continue Entry»

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Cavs Express Interest in Winning

CLEVELAND, OHIO- According to, the Cavaliers contacted the Nets to express their interest in point guard Jason Kidd. Apparently the Cal-alum is a lot smarter than we thought (Although his new free throw routine where he signals his now ex-wife to kiss his ass is pretty clever), as according to reports if he had the chance to play with Kobe or Lebron, he'd clearly rather play with the guy who's won 3 rings (I forgot to mention that the Lakers are rumored to be very interested in Kidd). It's actually shocking to me that this guy would chose to play in L.A. over let's quickly weigh his options. With him being a single guy, who doesn't think the [fat] women of Cleveland are hotter than the models that frequent the L.A. clubs? Let's not even mention the weather, the basketball tradition, the celebrity fans and the fact that Kobe is the best thing the NBA has to offer. On the other hand, we have a team with a gay-bashing 22 year old who can't make a free throw, a crowd that rarely stands up (Unless, of course, the Cavs have just reached 100 points and they get the free Chalupa) and a coach who needs a spitter but doesn't dip (Or run effective offensive sets). Welcome to L.A. Jason Kidd!
photo courtesy of Continue Entry»