Monday, March 5, 2007

Better Late Than Never?


Columbus, Ohio - Here at CursedCleveland.com, we firmly believe that sports news should be reported as it happens...which is of course a complete lie, as I will now delve into the events that transpired in Saturday Night's UFC 68 festivities. Naturally, us CC writers had a centrally located VIP table (or one that was squished in the back with people walking in front of us at every climactic point) at Mayfield's own Fox & Hound, and were surrounded by females (Guys) to catch what we're considering to be the greatest pay-per-view event in UFC History:
Renato 'Babalu' Sobral vs. Jason 'Future Victim' Lambert: I distinctly remember hearing co-writer SportsBoyTony say "This fight is over" roughly 27 times in the first round...when "Babalu" was in complete control of the fight which had been primarily on the ground. However, this quickly turned around when Lambert controlled the second round and later floored the man who's demise in the UFC has taken him from a headliner of main events to a guy who will probably be one of the "Fight may not be broadcast" bouts in the future....Good riddance. Jason Lambert looks to have a promising career ahead of him...one that will likely be chalked full of eating punches and kicks from the better fighters in the division as he tries to work his way up.
Matt Hughes vs. Chris 'Lay on my back' Lytle: This male-humpathon was a buzz kill in an otherwise phenomenal evening. I don't remember either fighter landing anything in the stand-up, and Matt Hughes dominated the ground game while failing to really ground and pound Lytle like he has traditionally done to fighters of this caliber. Luckily, this fight gave viewers time to get to the bathroom and get another drink at the bar before the exciting fights began. By the way, Hughes did win in a unanimous decision, in case anyone actually cares.
Rich 'Ace' Franklin vs. Jason 'The Athlete' McDonald: The crowd erupted when AC/DC came over the loudspeakers and the Cincinnati native made his way towards the ring clad in his usual pink and brown American Fighter t-shirt. This fight didn't disappoint Franklin fans, as the former champion seemed to have his swagger back and dominated the weaker McDonald. Franklin had 'The Athlete' in a very compromising position for much of the second round, and while he could have simply gone with a rear-naked choke for a victory, Rich chose instead to maul a helpless McDonald with relentless punches and elbows. J-Mac chose to not come out to fight in the Third Round, and his corner threw in the towel (Very manly move). After the fight, Anderson Silva came into the ring and there was a semi-gay embrace with Franklin, followed by a lot of babbling in a stupid-sounding language which led us to three conclusions: There will be a rematch, it will be in Rich's hometown of Cincinnati, and the writers of CursedCleveland.com will certainly be in attendance and will likely get beat up in the process.
Randy 'The Natural' Couture vs. Tim 'Maine-iac' Sylvia: The intensity in the billiards room of the Fox & Hound was incredible, and as Sylvia hit the mat after a Couture right hand bomb just seconds into the fight, the place erupted (By erupted I mean the three of us were pushing each other, jumping up and down, and screaming "Come On" repeatedly, which certainly turned on the three women in the room). The joke of the night took place at this point, when our own SportsBoyTony claimed that "Even Matt Hamill could hear the sound from that punch" which even made one of the two miserable older gentlemen in front of us cackle a bit. This fight was a dominating performance that nobody could have expected, and was exciting throughout because everyone was expecting Sylvia to land that one punch that would end our hopes. 'The Natural' is now the Heavyweight Champion of the UFC once again, and who didn't smile on the inside when they saw him hug his hot new girlfriend in the center of the Octagon after the fight concluded. For those of you who like Randy, you may not want to watch his next fight, which is likely to be with Mirko Cro-Cop, and will almost certainly not end fortuitously for the hero of every balding, divorced, forty-year-old meat head in this country.
photo courtesy of ufc.com

3 comments:

King Nick said...

Rich Franklin = Dominant
The Athlete = Gayest fighter in the history of the UFC
Tim Sylvia = Worst Heavyweight Champ i've ever seen
Randy Couture = Dead Man Walking (see Cro Cop)
Dusty Wagner = Becoming a nurse

SportsBoyTony said...

Smith..the Matt Hamil joke was probably my best in months. Thanks for the credit.

Alex said...

It's true...sportsboytony went an entire year in grad school and I don't think he ever made a joke that strong...then again Syracuse will suck the humor out of anyone.

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