Friday, January 30, 2009

Mike Bianchi Does His Best CursedCleveland.com Impression



ORLANDO, FL - As if last night's drubbing at the hands of the Magic wasn't bad enough, now their hometown columnist is doing the obligatory LeBron-is-gone column. He writes from experience, as he attempted to document
.

"Remember when Shaq bolted Orlando for Tinseltown because he wanted to make movies and hobnob with the stars in Hollywood? Just another reason for Clevelanders to worry about LeBron signing with the Knicks... It's bad enough the Browns stink, the Indians haven't won a World Series in 60 years and Cleveland is now being battered with near-record snowfall. Now fans have to dread the day they wake up and read the headline: "LeBron Is Gone!"

Alright buddy, you know damn well that Skip Bayless, CursedCleveland, Soulja Boy, DeShawn Stevenson and sometimes Bud Shaw have the monopoly on LeBron bashing and/or ruminating about his eventual departure. But Bianchi missed out on some key similarites between Shaq and the King.

Both are terrible free throw shooters.

Both are so physically dominant that the NBA has no idea how to officiate them

Both defer to Kobe in late game situations when the NBA Title or olympic gold medal is on the line.

But I digress. Bianchi also brought up how LeBron failed to sign the full extension allotted to him. The consensus around the league was that it was a business-savvy decision to capitalize on a new collective bargaining agreement and to make more money down the road, and that all other stars would follow suit (which Dwyane Wade did) . However, Dwight Howard opted to sign the full five year extension, the same one available to LeBron. He said right there and then that he wanted to retire an Orlando Magic, something LeBron has never said (about Orlando or Cleveland).

I don't spend too much time worrying about whether or not LeBron will stay or go (despite the half hour it took me to write this entry). But the fact remains, when all is said and done, LeBron's #23 will be the eighth jersey added to the rafters at the Q (Big Z will be the 7th, and can you believe a team that's only been to the finals once in its history has more retired numbers than Ohio State football?).

6 comments:

Harry said...

just another hata drinking that haterade.

Devin said...

LeBron aint staying. Nuff said.

Anonymous said...

The Cavs really have that many retired numbers?

And if Bingo is on there, why not Danny Ferry?

Anonymous said...

I though LeBron had passed Kobe earlier in the year. But if you've been watching, LeBron has taken a step back and Kobe has been the best player over the last month. Now that Bynum has stepped it up, I'm guaranteeing a Laker championship. That'll make 4 for Kobe.

I hate to say it, b/c I hope it doesn't happen.

Anonymous said...

No Newzin' on saturday? whats up with this site

Catman said...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but LeBron has already signed an extension?

Oh yeah, he has. Guess he could have "bolted" earlier, but didn't.....

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