Thursday, January 15, 2009

Cleveland Cavaliers Mid-Season Report Card

CLEVELAND, OHIO- With this being my first article of the year I’d like to start out by saying how flattered and honored I am to be a part of the exceptional panel of writers that are employed here at Most of you do not get the privilege that I have of going behind-the-scenes at CursedCleveland and seeing the tireless work ethics these guys have, whether it be writing articles or pursuing very young girls. What a great team to learn from and grow with and I hope my stay here is a successful one. With that being said, our beloved Cavaliers (30-6!) are very close to the midway point of the season, which means its time for me to dish out my mid-season grades for the fellas in wine and gold...

Lebron JamesA+* - What can you say about LBJ? The guy is absolutely amazing and what has impressed me the most this year is that he’s finally starting to get it done on the defensive end. However, please note the asterisk next to his grade which denotes that in the last 4 minutes of a game there’s no one you should rather want on your team than Kobe Bryant (see last night’s Spurs game antics).

Mo WilliamsA – Mo Will has been everything I had hoped for, providing a consistent scoring presence next to Lebron and solidifying a PG position that has been an Achilles heel in years past. The only question is how long before he tears his ACL and is out for the season. I’ve got February in the Mo Will ACL pool so I’m keeping my fingers crossed!

Zydrunas IlgauskasB – Although he’s getting older Z is still a very productive part of this basketball team. The key is that, now, he only has to play 25 mins a game which should keep him fresh come time for the postseason and while his minutes are limited he can still give you 15 and 10 on any given night. The only negative I have on Z is that his wife keeps asking me why on Earth she would ever marry such an ugly human being and sadly I don’t have an answer for her.

Delonte WestB+ - I love what I’m seeing out of Delonte this year, never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d get 12 pts a night from this guy not to mention he’s one of our better defenders. When asked what has caused him to be so successful this year Delonte replied, “I don’t know man, I just try to block out the fact that I look like Steve Kocsis and come to the gym everyday ready to work.”

Anderson VarejaoB – Here’s a guy I was extremely down on last year and ready to give up on that has impressed me thus far this season. Averaging almost 10 pts and 7 boards a game off the bench and providing much needed depth and versatility at the 4 and 5 positions has made me a Varejao fan once again. That and the fact that when I saw him downtown on West 6th and yelled “Varejao!” like an adoring teenage girl he actually waved and smiled at me!

Daniel GibsonC+ - Boobie has been decent off the bench but his 35% shooting from 3-pt range is unacceptable and needs to pick up. He does provide depth at the PG position and can score a little bit so there are positives to his game. However, the whole shaving obscure objects into the side of your head thing is getting old man. I understand your nickname is Boobie and you need to take some attention away from that but I mean, enough is enough.

Wally SzczerbiakC- Why is Wally World still on this team?...well aside from his boyish good looks. How has Danny Ferry not dealt this guy and some draft picks for another big man? Could it be that he’s been an average NBA player his whole career and the one thing that he could actually do decently, shoot, he can’t even do that anymore (32% from 3 pt range)? Perhaps. On a positive note, this dude had to bang at least half of Miami (OH)’s campus of hot girls so you’ll always have those memories Wally, you’ll always have those.

J.J. HicksonC – JJ doesn’t get a lot of time but from what I’ve seen I can’t complain about the young fella. He plays hard and can jump out of the gym so I’m interested to see if Mike Brown can develop him into a player. The potential is there, however, like most Cavalier draft picks he will most likely end up being a below average player who will be out of the league in 5 yrs....see DaJauan Wagner, Trajon Langdon.

Ben WallaceC+ - Ok, so he’ll never be the player he once was, but I’ve got no problem with Big Ben this year. He only has to play 20-25 mins a game and can still give you 8 boards and 2 blocks a game. The only question is will he be able to stay healthy all year and the answer is most certainly an emphatic NO.

Sasha PavlovicD – Sasha’s grade is not entirely his fault as this Cavs team is extremely deep and Sasha just isn’t able to get much PT. That being said he’s still a vagina who can’t play D and will be gone by next season if not sooner. However, I could picture Sasha teaming up with some CursedCleveland writers and hitting up the Beach Club for some young teens. I don’t know I just feel like he has it in him. Don’t prove me wrong Sasha!

Jawad WilliamsD- The St Edward standout and local hometown favorite receives a D- not because of his play this year or lack thereof. But solely because in the Euclid Summer League back when I was High School his team absolutely annihilated mine and that shit just isn’t cool. Screw you Jawad!

Bobby PhillsF – This guy has just been a major disappointment this year. Whether it's not showing up for practices or his absences at games this guy just doesn’t seem like his head is totally in it and his attendance record is proof of that. All I know is Bobby you better get your priorities straight because you’re not going to live forever and before you know it these opportunities to play NBA basketball won’t be there anymore.

Yes the Cavs have overachieved in every way this year and if the Playoffs started right now they’d have to be the odds on favorite with the Lakers to win it all. However, I’m just not completely sold on this team yet and I question if they have what it takes to be NBA champions. The ship has sailed unusually and almost frighteningly smooth this year and I’m curious to see how this team will react in the face of adversity. Only time will tell but there’s no doubt it’s definitely a good time to be a Cavaliers fan. On a side note, it’s also a very good time to be a fan as they have updated their site and improved the speed and quality of their movies.

--Tarence Kinsey, Darnell Jackson, and Lorenzen Wright not featured due to lack of me caring at all about them.


Anonymous said...

Youjizz is the shit....and so are you Shane....great article.

Anonymous said...

This was a great article.

I especially love how CursedCleveland allows writers who know nothing about the NBA to write about the sport.

Sort of lik a "Make a Wish" Cleveland style.

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