Thursday, February 12, 2009

We've Moved, To Another Site That Nobody Likes!

We're not sure how you got directed here, in fact, where were you when we were churning out perfect blog items a few times a year? Well, we've moved on to Wordpress, which means all the same horrible writing and hacky jokes, only this time, the terrible site design is now slightly below average. So check it out, at and unimproved. Continue Entry»

Introducing: The Alyssa Milano Collection

Are you a Cleveland girl who enjoys munilot drunken dabauchery? Do you have a yearning for a three-four defensive scheme featuring zero playmakers at the LB position? Have you hooked up with Braylon Edwards after a night out at XO? Has Ryan Tucker thrown you through a window in a fit of roid rage? Then Alyssa Milano's new "Touch" Collection featured in the Cleveland Browns gift shop is for you.

Considering the unorthodox way the Browns coach actually hired the GM, it's fitting that when fans pose the inevitable question of "Who's the Boss?", they'll be sporting apparel from the catalogue of a former cast member! The name of the new couture label itself ("Touch") might appear to be at odds with the throwing style of starting quarterback Derek Anderson. It does however properly describe the method by which the Browns defense attempts to tackle.

Sizes available are (S) (M) (L) and (RAC). Continue Entry»


Mo Williams was the 14th choice for the All-Star game, but fourth for the skills competition after Jameer Nelson's injury. Motivation must be derived from this right? Cavs insider.

In the same article, Windhorst writes that LeBron's refusal to do dunk contests has a root: "There are some who believe James was scarred by the Slam Dunk Contest at the 2003 McDonald's All-American Game, which he controversially won. Had he competed and lost over All-Star Weekend to lesser names, it could have had consequences on his reputation." Well I did some research, as it turns out, the judges were Carlos Boozer, DeSagana Diop, Darius Miles, DaJuan Wagner and his colostomy bag, and Michael Vick.

Bill Livingtston says Mike Brown does not need to apologize for his tirade. I will not be writing a similar piece about Bill Livingston's column.

Mel Kiper says the Browns need speed and pass-rushing linebackers.

Hey you over there without a job. I'm guessing you won't be flying to Goodyear to watch an 81-win team play in a ballpark that charges $9.50 for a sandwich in this downtrodden economy. Don't laugh Carl Pavano, this could be you in a year. Continue Entry»

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


Cleveland - Tonight the Cavs leaned on the Eastern Conference All Star Team's 14th man. Mo Williams stole the show from LeBron with 44 points and 7 assists, shooting 18-26 from the floor and not using the rim for most of his makes. This comes after it was announced that Mo will be one of the ballers in the All Star Saturday night Skills Competition. Hopefully someone can poison something in one of Jason Kapono's meals so Mo can participate in the 3-point shootout, as tonight Mo was 7-9 from (DEEP IN THE Q BLAJSAKJLAJSALBLAHHAHABLAH)!!!!!!

Z continued to look very bad and finally Big Ben and Sideshow Bob got extra minutes. Boobs Gibson played better and was shockingly good on defense. However that defense was helped by the Suns, minus Steve Nash, turning the ball over in very ugly fashion TWENTY FIVE TIMES. Phoenix was extremely unimpressive and they might just completely blow this once great group up (they really already have been blown up). LeBron for the most part deferred and didn't have to do anything special tonight. Anyways, the Cavs (AND MYSELF) head to Phoenix this weekend at 40-11 with only a couple bad losses and 1 very big win. All in all great 1st half, and don't look now, but thee one, thee only, D-HOOD is creepin on a come up. GO CAVS.

And look for LeBron to get his 24 All Star Field Goal Attempts. I for one don't want to get sold short. Continue Entry»

Cavs vs. Phoenix

Cleveland - Tonight the Cavs try and bounce back from losses to Lamar Odom and Joey Crawford against the struggling Phoenix Suns. Traditionally 2-time joke MVP Steve Nash and LeBron tend to have big numbers against one another, but the Suns tend to win the game. Mike D'antoni is finally gone however and the current Suns team does not resemble the old 60-win teams. Biggg Shaq Daddy Diesel (The best and most productive player on 3 Laker championship teams, and 2nd best player on a Miami title team) has been playing better than expected this season. This Phoenix team might be older than the members over at Lakeview Cemetery but they could still present problem for a struggling Cavs team with no decent 2 guard.

The Cavs of late have gotten away from their style of defending and rebounding as well as falling into the trap of watching and depending on LeBron James. This game could turn into an arena football game if Mike Brown and Terry Porter let their teams disregard one end of the floor. I'll take the Cavs by a count of 112-101. Continue Entry»

LeBron James Denies Steroid Use

INDIANAPOLIS, IN - In the era of performance-enhancing drugs, every athlete's weight fluctuations on a year-to-year basis come with an enormity of speculation. Yet, somehow, NBA players have always been immune to the type of skepticism that accompanies mass gain or loss for other athletes in other sports. With PEDs dominating the headlines since Canseco penned his first ever subject-predicate sequence, it's a little shocking that nobody has every directly asked LeBron James if his roughly 4o-pound weight gain had anything to do with the same doping that was running rampant in every other sport. Was the guy going to have to travel back in time and put on a Texas Rangers jersey for someone to actually ask some questions?

Well after five years in the league, it took an Indianapolis Star writer (former Cleveland PD writer Bob Kravitz) to pop the question of pill popping. Here was the King's answer:
"I could never see myself doing anything to get an edge by using something that's banned,'' James said before Tuesday night's wild 96-95 Indiana Pacers' victory over James' Cleveland Cavaliers at Conseco Fieldhouse. "I would never put myself in that position. There are way too many kids who look up to me, who look up to the guys around us who believe we're heroes.

"I could never do anything like that to change the way a kid thinks about me as an individual. I couldn't do it.''

So James joins Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Miguel Tajada, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, Jason Giambi, Alex Rodriguez, Ken Caminiti, and Rafael Palmeiro, on a growing list of players who have denied steroid usage. It's obvious that Bron has been immune to these types of allegations because his muscle gain could be dismissed as a growth spurt. He's 24 years old and it looks like he's finally stopped cycling growing.

So, now it's out there. LeBron is on record as saying he would never take steroids in the future. Although if you look closely at the quote, he didn't exactly deny taking them in the past. Which if we've learned anything from Rafael Palmeiro or A-Rod, it's to leave some wiggle room, oh and to make sure not to stack winstrol and dianaball concurrently during the 2nd cycle. Obviously.
Continue Entry»

Brett Favre is Retiring...Again

NEW YORK - Well in continuing with the saga that has ruined episodes of sportscenter for the past 3 years, Brett Favre has decided to go ahead and... WHO CARES! The only way I could be less interested in this guy would be if he had penises growing off of his face. This time, he didn't put on the big production, instead having his agent break the news to the Jets. I'd like to personally thank Brett for this, as I won't have to see him crying on television and hear all of the former average NFL players ESPN Analysts give their take on whether he'll actually be back. At this point it is unclear whether or not Favre will be issuing a public apology to Eric Mangini for costing him his job, thus resulting in him coming to Cleveland. Continue Entry»