So Glad This Happened...

Providence, R.I. - College basketball has certainly been interesting to watch lately...first Wayne Chism from Tennessee got tech'd up for taunting a coach, then Chase Budinger got his head stepped on, now this! Providence guard Jeff Xavier was hit in the face on his way to the hoop on January 17th, and when no foul was called his brother(who looks an awful lot like Harold Baines) went ahead and jumped over the bench and confronted the ref about the no-call.

Good for him! It was a fucking foul, the dude got hit in the face, and the 90 year old ref missed the call.

Here's what I don't get, if you're going to have a game where really fast black guys are moving up and down a court at ridiculous speeds, why would you have really slow, old, white people trying to keep up with them to ref the game? Wouldn't it make more sense to have equally fast, young black people ref the games? Or perhaps robots? Anything but old white guys...this is getting ridiculous. Conveniently for Xavier's brother Jonathan, he was out early on a drug sentence....and who didn't see this one coming. Anyhow, this idiot might have violated his parole, and could have to serve the remainder of his sentence in prison because of the incident. In reality, the ref who missed the call should be put in jail for the remainder of the sentence, and the young black dude who showed such athleticism jumping over the bench should get a paid trip to referee school.

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Roddick vs. Federer Part 258

Melbourne, AUSTRALIA - Well tennis fans, the stage is set for yet another classic Andy Roddick vs. Roger Federed matchup in this year's Australian Open semifinals...of course by classic I mean Federer will thoroughly embarass my long time man crush spurring fantastic post-match press conferences like this one. This time around, Roddick has trimmed off 15 lbs. and is said to be playing his best tennis ever. He is coming off a victory over Novak Djokovic, who may be the biggest pussy on the planet. Djokovic, who has a history of retiring only comparable to Brett Favre, had to quit the match in the 4th set because it was too hot out for him. What a faggot. You're the defending champion, think you could stand the heat for a few more minutes to finish getting stomped?

This highly anticipated matchup can be seen on ESPN, the only problem is that much like watching ABC's hit show Lost, we don't know if it's taking place live, in the past, or in the future for that matter. Does ESPN realize that they don't ever televise the Australian Open live, and if they do they make sure not to advertise when the matches will air. The last match I caught was Roddick beating up on some guy, however I'd already seen that he won the match online. Never fear though, I'll be sure to post results, and hopefully Roddick's press conference 20-30 hours after the match is over, you know...when I finally find out who wins!

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Cavaliers To Add Reggie Miller?

CLEVELAND - You might have missed this little nugget towards the end of Brian Windhorst's column this week (ironically someone who's never missed a nugget) -

"TNT announcer Reggie Miller said on Dan Patrick's radio show Monday afternoon that the Cavs had talked to him about coming out of retirement and playing for them. The Cavs declined to comment on Monday. "

It's not suprising that most probably missed this, considering the Fabulous Sports Babe has more listeners at this point. With Michael Redd going down for the season, is this the direction the Cavs would really want to go at this point? He's been out of the league for three and a half years (although he's hit only one less buzzer beater in that same timespan as LeBron).

Could this be a tactical move by the Cavs brass to bring it someone who will actually fued with Kobe, as opposed to usual pleasantries offered by LeBron towards other players not named DeShawn Stephenson? Unless the NBA adapts MTV's Rock and Jock 50-point basket (sadly no link despite our best efforts), we'd advise the wine and gold to move on. Although we must admit that the prospect of having two of the worst shooting forms in the league in the same backcourt would be appealing.

Here's the less funny but more factual version from WatingForNextYear.com.

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Newzin' - Beltless Edition

"On Friday, T.J. McCreight, the team's player personnel director, was fired. On Monday, the Browns acknowledged McCreight's departure by saying they have accepted his "resignation." What??? New GM short on specifics.

How much drinking do you think Z did during the Cavs' west coast trip? Z back at practice.

Fueled by the play of Mo Williams, the Cavs now lead the NBA in local viewership.

Today Boyd makes his decision and breaks the hearts of two teams (and potentially Joe Bauserman). Boyd eager to make choice.

Columbus sportstalk fans can finally hear Herbie pimp USC and Florida outside of a 10 mile radius. 1460TheFan to simulcast on FM.

Group Against Sex Predators (GASP) meet in Akron. In a related story, sex predators arrange meetups with children of GASP members conveniently this week. Continue Entry»

Mountain West Conference is NOT Happy!

MULTIPLE SPOUSES, UTAH - According to reports, the Mountain West Conference is looking to enter the big leagues and receive an automatic BCS bid for the conference champ in the future. I hate college football in general, and I hate the BCS, and I hate all of the teams in this miserable conference, but the more I think about it, they probably deserve the automatic bid. I mean, the ACC is garbage and produces a doormat for a BCS game each year, and the Big 10 seems to produce 5 or 6 of them...so why not let a team like Utah, or TCU have an automatic BCS bid? Is it because we need a terrible program like Wake Forest or Georgia Tech to get into the spotlight to get trampled by a national powerhouse? Do we hate mormons? Do we dislike programs that produce over-hyped, flop draft picks? Call me crazy..but I don't get it.

Since this will most likely be the only time I write about this useless sport, I feel that I should explain why I hate it so much: The Spread Offense. This pathetic style of offense has allowed teams with average quarterbacks and speedy receivers to flourish because the linebackers at this level simply aren't good enough to cover the entire field. Wide receiver screens, the zone read play, and the option simply don't work in the NFL... see Vince Young, Troy Smith, Tim Couch, Alex Smith, David Klinger, Andre Ware the list goes on and on(If any one of you ignorant bastards even mentions the words "Wildcat Formation" in a comment I will hunt you down). This causes guys like Joe Flacco, who have at least taken a snap from under center in their careers to come into the NFL and amaze us with their mediocrity. Name one fucking quarterback who came from a spread offense who's succeeded in the NFL...please...just one!

You know what does produce solid NFL players...the USC Trojans, one of the only programs in the nation who plays real football, and produces solid NFL prospects year in and year out. You don't see 5 wide receiver formations, bubble screens, and terribly overrated quarterbacks here. Instead, you see a group of dudes who get more beautiful ass than any other group in the nation from girls like THIS, and occasionally party too hard and lose one game each year to keep them out of the title game. Is there any fucking doubt that this was the best team in the country?

Instead, Florida wins another national title, and still hasn't produced a solid professional player since Fred Taylor. Gerard Warren, Chris Leak, Jarvis Moss, Chad Jackson... man these guys have really made the Gators proud. It's a disgrace to the sport that a team led by Chris Leak even won their conference, much less a title. That asshole didn't throw a pass farther than 10 yards in the air the entire title game, and yet due to the spread offense they were champions. I hope that stupid commercial about the NCAA where they talk about people going professional in something other than sports is true, because if you go to UF, you aren't doing shit in the pros.

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Newzin'

The Kokinis era begins and Tony Grossi is vindicated. Browns name new GM.

This article marks the first time a white reporter has ever entered this up-scale hair salon. (editor's note, I went to the Major League Barber's myspace, and came up with the following picture and subsequent caption - make sure to click on the scrilla yo).

Day after monster truck promoter touts event's safety, he's crushed and killed by Bigfoot, Gravedigger, Boogey Van, Rampage, Carolina Crusher Bearfoot , Sampson.

Last night on Wall to Wall Sports in Columbus, Bill Kurelic says his money is on OSU to sign Taj Boyd. Oregon and Clemson message boards claim it's a done deal to their schools. Gotta love recruiting. Boyd to announce tomorrow.

OSU's 2-2 defensive zone needs some tweaking. Perhpas adding a fifth defender would help. Zone picked apart.

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Crater Caught With Cannabis Noopy Nabbed With Narcotics

TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA - Proving that it's never a good omen if your recruiting picture (located above) looks like a mug shot, former Buckeye Anthony Crater was arrested Friday night with weed. At one point in high school, the South Florida Bull was considered one of the best point guard recruits in the country. After his commitment to OSU, his status took a plunge worse than US Airways Flight 1549, going from a five-star recruit, down to four-stars, then three-stars, and now apparently down to a one-hitter.

He left the Buckeyes after just 10 games when it proved to be too difficult to beat out a couple below average JUCO transfers. Thad Matta had constantly urged the freshman to value possession of the basketball. Looks like he got the possession part down. Continue Entry»